The Natural Way of Things
by SilveryMoon34
Summary: Zim returns to Earth from war, to find a changed Dib and a new, deadlier enemy. Eventually ZADR.
1. Back on Earth

**The Natural Way of Things, Ch. 1**

After the filthy War was over, and the Irkens proven supreme once more, Zim requested of his Tallest that he be allowed to return to his mission of conquering the wretched Earth.

Taking one look at his proud, scarred visage, his giggling leaders agreed.

So here he was again, taking another six month journey to a filthy, acid-drenched mudball of a planet, to settle one last score. GIR was beside him again,too, silent for once-most likely because Zim had threatened to leave him behind on Irk if he even thought the word 'doom'.

Which left Zim to his thoughts. Zim smiled, leaning back into the Voot's cushioned pilot's seat. It would be different, vastly different, this time. No more failures for Zim. The Dib-beast and his world would kneel before HIM! Because Zim had a plan. No more physical warfare with the Dib for him. It was all psychological now. Because if war had taught the alien anything, it was that the real key to defeating a filthy enemy was to pummel their disgusting minds as well as their bodies...

Keef, Zim realized now, had had the right idea. Befriend the Dib, make him like Zim...and with the Dib-monster no longer opposing him, the planet would fall easily into his claws.

Zim smiled even wider, tucking said claws behind his head. Yeeees...Sweet sweet victory at last was close at hand...

**...**

When the proximity warning went off, the side of the planet facing the Voot was dark, just as before, when he first came to this filthy mud ball. GIR pressed himself against the glass. "Oooooh, Earth!"

"Yes GIR. Earth." Zim tapped the Voot's computer screen, targeting a familiar Earth town as their landing point.

"Initiating entrance into atmosphere," the Voot's computer announced. The ship's jets flared, launching them headlong into the alien atmosphere. GIR screamed, clinging to his master's shoulder at the sudden launch, but Zim just laughed, exhilaration thrumming through his veins.

Without hesitation, and with little direction from Zim, the cloaked Voot landed in exactly the same old lot, in exactly the same neighborhood its passengers had left some time before, landing softly on the grass.

This time, though, the formation of the base was flawless, as silent as the ghosts the Dib-beast was so obsessed with.

Zim watched the transformation, surveying his work with a self-satisfied smile. Oh yes, this new invasion was already off to a great sta-

"Oh WOW!"

The alien froze. Someone saw-? Wait. No. He knew that voice...

"Keef?" He turned around, to see a ginger-haired teenager who looked remarkably like an older version of the annoying Keef. Keef, who didn't know Zim was an alien.

Oh. IRK! "Eh, I mean...SILENCE, filthy human!"

The teenaged worm-baby grinned. "It's okay, Zim. I know it's you. I knew you'd come back, so I waited for you. Wow, you haven't changed a bit..."

"Keef?" Antennae perked up in surprise. "What happened? You're all...older."

"Of course I'm older, silly. It's been five years."

Five _years_? FIVE Earth YEARS had passed since Zim's departure for Irk? The alien glanced doubtfully up and down the street. But everything looked the same...

"Nothing's changed much," Older Keef said with a shrug. The pale freckled face brightened. "Oh hey, buddy! Since you're back, wanna go to the Spooky Dukes concert with me tomorrow night?"

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever." Five years...would he even remember Zim?

"Okay! Great! See ya then!" And just like that, the teen walked off, but Zim didn't notice.

"Of course he will remember ZIM! Zim is amazing! And memorable!" Zim growled out loud to himself, stomping over to his disguise machine...

**...**

Zim lost track of time, deep within the bowels of his newly re-formed base, catching up on all the filthy Earth history he had missed.

Apparently, he had missed a lot.

President Man had been succeeded by an Earth female-President Woman. The Dib-monkey's progenitor, Professor Membrane, had built yet _another _lab and dedicated it to the advancement of their pi-ti-ful science...blah blah blah...

"Heya buddy!" The alien jerked in surprise, staring up at the security monitor pointed at his front door. "...Keef? What are YOU doing here?"

The cheerful face dulled a bit. "You said you'd go with me to the Spooky Dukes concert, remember?"

Zim started to scream, "LIES!" but stopped himself. What better way to regain his footing on this miserable rock than to go to one of these 'concerts' these monkeys were so fond of?

"Very well," the Irken half purred, half growled, shoving away from the monitor to fetch his disguise...

"Wow, Zim, you look...different."

Zim arched a newly stuck-on eyebrow underneath the red-tipped bangs of his new black wig. "Isn't this how you Earth monkeys usually dress for these...concerts?"

"Sure, buddy. It just looks...different...on you..."

"YAY! RAVE!" GIR shrieked, launching himself out the door behind Zim.

"GIR! No! Stay here and guard the base!"

"But Mastah...!"

"NO!"

The little robot pouted, but did as he was told, hanging his head and turning back into the house, slamming the door behind him.

"Let's go, buddy!"

**...**

Five seconds in, the alien decided he absolutely HATED concerts. It didn't matter that Keef had somehow gotten front-row seats. The place was hot and crowded with icky sweaty HYUman monkeys who had NO concept of personal space whatsoever-

Zim jumped as the lights suddenly dimmed. Beside him, Keef squealed, "Ooh! Zim, it's starting!"

"Great..."

"And noow...what you've all been waiting for...THE SPOOKY DUKES!" Bawled an invisible announcer. The crowd went wild, almost deafening Zim.

As lights flared on the darkened stage, revealing four figures-one on drums, two on guitars, and one sitting on what looked like an unused piano in complete darkness-the music began.

When it came time for the vocals, lights suddenly flared on the darkened figure, revealing a very familiar face. "Say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste the same..." A sultry, black-rimmed amber stare dared his audience, dared Zim. The shock of nearly instant recognition nearly took the alien's breath away. "T-That's the DIB!" he yelled in confusion to Keef, who beamed.

"Yeah! Innit he great?"

"Let the leaves fall off in the summer," the Dib carelessly brushed at each black leather clad shoulder with a gloved hand. "And let the December glow in flames!"

"In flames!"

"Brace myself an' let go, start it over again in Mex-i-co," Dib stood up on black, silver-toed boots as the two guitarists yelled, "These! Friends! They don't love you!"

"They just love the hotel suites, now!"

Zim turned to Keef, wide-eyed. "The Dib can sing?"

"I! Don't! Care what you think as long as its about me," Dib pressed his hand to his chest, bowing forward slightly with a sultry smile. "The best of us can find happ-iness in mi-i-i-isery. I said I!"

"I!"

"Don't"

"Don't!"

"Care what you think as long as it's about me. The best of us can find happ-iness in misery."

At the small instrumental, Dib took center stage, his trademark black coat trailing behind him.

"Oh, take a chance, let your body get a tolerance," Dib lazily rubbed his hands up and down his arms, eyes half-lidded. "I'm not a chance, but a heatwave in your pants," One hand strayed low, sprawling on Dib's stomach, touching the top of his pants. The female guitarist playfully slapped it away. Dib mock jumped, turning to face her with a rebellious smile as he sang:

"pull a breath like another cigarette. Pawn shop, I'm tradin' up!"

"Tradin' up!"

He spun, coat whipping as he faced the audience again. "I'm the ora-cle in my chest, let the guitar scream like a fascist (one of the guitars obediently 'screamed', making Zim's antennae press flat to his head underneath his wig in pained annoyance) sweat it out, shut your mouth, free love on the streets. But in the alley it ain't that cheap now!"

"I! Don't! Care what you think as long as it's a-bout me! The best of us can find happ-iness in mi-i-i-i-isery. I said I!"

"I!"

"Don't!"

"Don't!"

"Care what you think as long as it's about me! The best of us can find happ-iness in mis-ery."

The music slowed a bit, the drumbeat becoming more pronounced. Dib leaned toward the audience as if to tell them all a secret, scythe lock glinting in the stage lights as he gave a small wink, voice dropping low:

"Mmmmmhmmhmm, I said, I. Don't. Care just-a what you think, as long as it's about me. Said-a I. Don't. Care just-a what you think, as long as it's about me! I said-a I. Don't. Care!"

"I. Don't. Care!"

"I said I don't CARE!"

"I don't care!"

"I said I!"

"I!"

"Don't!"

"Don't!"

"Care!"

"I. Don't. Care what you think as long as it's about me! The best of us can find happ-iness in mi-i-i-i-i-sery!"

"I said I!"

"I!"

"Don't!"

"Don't!"

"Care what you think as long as it's about me! The best of us can find happ-iness in mi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-isery!"

The song ended to wild applause. Zim stared in shock as Keef happily screamed beside him. The Dib could sing! The DIB could sing! And in front of wild smelly audiences, too.

Apparently, he HAD missed a lot.

**A/N: Yup. I've officially been bitten by the fanfiction bug. Again. And this will (eventually) be Zadr, so you've been double warned. Disclaimer: I do not own Zim, GIR, Keef, Dib, or Invader Zim in general, Jhonen Vasquez does. I do not own the lyrics to the song I Don't Care. Fall Out Boy does.**


	2. Sleeper Agent Mothman

**Ch. 2: Sleeper Agent Mothman**

Hi Skool, a low, squat, dirt-brown building, was not much different from the Skool Zim had attended before. The alien narrowed his eyes, snorting in disgust to himself. Five years, and the hyumans' facilities of training were still as pathetic as ever...

He shoved through the glass-paned front doors, only to skid to a halt as his alien equivalent of a heart bounced into his throat and beat there like a frantic Earth butterfly.

The Dib's trench coat was _everywhere_, swishing in front of the long rows of dull gray lockers, twirling to show off for friends, posing for best effect against the walls and lockers...Had the Dib found a way to clone himself and sent his massive Dib army of DOOM to wait in ambush for Zim?

No. No. The more the Irken stared, the more the faces resolved themselves into different pig-human shapes-shapes with a distinct lack of Dib-ness. Zim bared his zipper teeth in fury as the truth became obvious. The symbol of his arch nemesis had become a _fashion accessory_ to the other filth dirt-monkeys! Outraged, Zim shoved his way through the crowd, ignoring the yelps and curses that followed him.

Even with the added hassle of going to the 'front office' to fetch his filthy schedule, Zim was one of the first ones to arrive to his first period. Growling to himself, Zim kept to his plan and slunk to the farthest, darkest corner of the room, and threw himself into the desk he found there.

Slowly, the room filled. Zim leaned a pointed chin on a fist, three clawlike fingers clattering impatiently on the desktop as he stared steadily at the open door, waiting...

Finally, after what felt like ages, HE came in. Zim bared his teeth slightly as an unnatural irony instantly became apparent. The only human on the entire dirt ball with the right to wear the disgusting black cow-skin was the only one on the entire planet NOT wearing one. The Dib-beast strolled into the classroom, hands shoved into black skinny-jean pockets, slightly longer scythe-lock waving, white arms completely (conspicuously) bare. Gone were the boots, too, replaced with smaller, plainer black and white converse. The only thing familiar about the hyuman now-other than the gravity defying scythe lock-was the blue shirt with the apathetic face on it. If it wasn't for those things, Zim might have been looking at a different worm-baby entirely.

Because the Dib was completely different. In addition to being much taller, (he towered over the Dib of Zim's memory) and lankier, he _moved _differently. No slumped shoulders and hesitant steps for older Dib. No air of hopeless, wounded pride.

And it wasn't hard to see why. The room instantly noticed Dib's entrance, but instead of the derisions and claims of insanity of old, the very sight of the Dib was greeted with cheers, female pig-squeals, and even a random "We love you, Dib!" from the other back corner of the room, to Zim's far right. A small knot of hyumans, whom Zim vaguely recognized as the Dib's fellow concert noise-makers, waved frantically for him to join them in their group of desks near the windows. Zim watched wide-eyed as he did, instantly becoming the center of the little group's fawning attention. The others outside the group continued to titter, staring awestruck at the lanky boy now draped coolly on a desk chair.

"All right class, settle down." The tired voice of the class's mentoring unit managed to make itself heard over the noise, which instantly died out, for the most part. The unit, a pudgy, graying male, flopped into a chair behind his larger, messy desk and waved a vague hand. "Class, we have a new student. Name's..." he squinted at a piece of paper on the desk, then picked it up, holding it less than an inch from his nose. "...Zim..." He looked up, half focused gaze somehow able to land on the alien. "Ah, there you are. Say hello to everybody."

Instantly all eyes in the room turned to Zim, pinning him to his seat, but he barely noticed. There was only one reaction the contact covered gaze was interested in gauging.

Zim hid a smirk as the thin body stiffened ever so slightly, the head slowly turning to face Zim. He knew the alien on sight, that much was obvious. Honestly, with their history, how could he _not_? But that's where the expected for Zim ended. A thin, pierced brow arched, giving Zim an unimpressed, but still ever so slightly puzzled, look. There was no familiar shouting, no declaring to the world at large the return of an _alien menace _to a human classroom. The Dib was silent, just like the rest. Silent and staring. Zim squirmed a little, cockiness fading, gaze dropping a little of its own accord.

Disconcerted, Zim nonetheless stayed in his new character, curling and uncurling the clawed fingers of one hand in a meek wave to the room at large, looking up slightly to watch Dib. But Dib was already turning away, the other dirt monkeys obediently following his lead.

When all the gazes left him, a fist clenched in the alien's lap. This was _not _how it was supposed to be. The hyuman was supposed to see him, and yell. They were supposed to fight like they used to...until Zim's superior acting skills convinced the Dib he was no threat, of course. He was not supposed to ignore Zim like everyone else!

The alien growled softly to himself, staring down at his clenched fist. A minor setback, he scoffed to himself. The Dib-beast would see differently soon enough!

**...**

Dib listened to Mr. Stibbens, his friends all around him, and the normal progression of dull, gray-faced teachers throughout the day, but inside his head was buzzing.

Zim was back. After five damn, peaceful years, the stupid alien came back...And behaving in a very un-Zim-ish fashion, too... In the back of Dib's mind the memory of the meek little wave played, like an old fashioned film reel. Really, who was he kidding? It was obvious he was up to... He sighed, a quick, frustrated exhale as he rubbed a temple, causing Gretchen to glance at him in concerned curiosity. It was both sad and mildly amusing (but mostly sad) that the mere sight of the alien, unchanged by time, could reawaken old paranormal investigator instincts and suspicions that had been happily dormant inside of him for the past five years.

Ugh. Why did the stupid alien have to come back? He was _happy _now. Finally. It had taken years, and the formation of the Spooky Dukes, but he had finally convinced everyone he wasn't crazy, that he was worth something...

And it was going to stay that way. He just had one little thing to do, then he wouldn't have to bother with the stupid green menace anymore. Just one little thing, and he would be some other poor idiot's problem...

After a quick, rather rude goodbye to his friends (and probably a snubbing of someone's after skool hangout plans, but at this point he didn't really care) Dib went home, not relaxing until the door to his room had slammed shut behind him. Without hesitation, Dib threw his bag on his bed and stomped over to his computer.

Carefully slipping on the headset and waking up the sleeping machine with a quick shake of the mouse, he brought up a familiar, if rarely used, program.

Taking a deep breath, Dib spoke the words he never thought he'd have to say.

"Sleeper Agent Mothman to SEN. Sleeper Agent Mothman to SEN. Subject Zim has returned to Earth, motives as yet unknown. I repeat, Subject Zim has returned to Earth, motives as yet un-"

Dib cut himself off with a soft clack of teeth as a new screen popped up, interrupting his broadcast. A shadowy figure sat, glowing red eyes watching Dib. "It has, Agent Mothman?"

"It has, Agent Scattermoon." Dib replied, surprised, having not expected to be answered so soon.

Eyes narrowed. "Intriguing." The new elected leader of the Swollen Eyeball Network focused back on the boy. "Good work, Agent Mothman." Thin, feminine hands steepled themselves, red eyes peering around them at Dib. "I know you don't have the stomach for the paranormal as you used to, but seeing as you have the most experience in dealing with this Subject Zim creature, I believe-and I think the other senior agents will agree with me-that you are the most qualified and certainly the most deserving of the honor of capturing the subject for us. As one last salute to the Network and your old paranormal life."

Dib's heart sank. Why did that reward sound more like a punishment? Oh yeah, because the whole reason he agreed to the whole sleeper agent thing instead of leaving the Network completely was because he didn't think the damn alien would come back-that the stupid green freak would die in whatever stupid intergalatic war his stupid species had gotten themselves caught up in...

He sighed, answering without thinking. "Okay."

"Excellent!" Agent Scattermoon sounded way too happy for Dib's taste. "Contact me directly when you have the subject in hand." And with that, the transmission cut out.

Dib turned off the computer and sighed again, rubbing his face. Before, as a junior agent of the Network, he would have eagerly leaped at the chance to prove to everyone that being a paranormal investigator wasn't stupid, or crazy, or impossible. Back then, he would have done anything for a green light from Scattermoon and the other senior agents to capture Zim himself (not that he had waited for one, but still).

Now...Now he just wished he hadn't said yes.

**A/N: woo, second chapter! I like this one better, I think, even if there isn't any singing in it. Usual disclaimer: I do not own Zim, Dib, or Invader Zim in general. Jhonen Vasquez does**.


	3. The Rivalry Returns

**Ch.3: The Rivalry Returns**

When the transmission was over, Dib stomped back downstairs, his heart and stomach feeling like they had taken up residence somewhere near his shoes. Gaz, as usual, sat on the couch in front of the big screen, lost in the world of her Game Slave 6. For some reason, the familiar sight relit an old urge in Dib-the urge to rant.

"Gaz! You won't believe who had the balls to show up again at skool today."

"Who? Your common sense?" the fifteen-year-old answered dryly, narrowed gaze never leaving the glowing screen of the game console.

For the first time since he was eleven years old, the sarcasm went right over his head as he flopped jelly-limbed onto the couch beside his sister. "No. _Zim_." Dib's voice dripped and bubbled with undiluted, acidic hatred on the alien's name.

"Zim." In contrast, Gaz's voice was the picture of flat, bored neutrality.

"Yeah. Zim. You know, the crazy little green homicidal alien who repeatedly tried to kill us and destroy Earth back in elementary skool. He's back, Gaz."

She finally slanted a look at him, though decidedly not the scared or worried one he was looking for. "You're not going to do all your old spazzing about that, are you?"

"What? No! I don't do that stuff anymore. I'm _normal _now. You know that."

She raised a disbelieving brow even as she turned back to her game. "Really. Didn't sound like it earlier."

Dib opened his mouth to snipe back, but then all of what his sister had said registered in his normally much quicker brain. "Wait, were you..._eavesdropping_ on me?"

Gaz rolled her eyes, gaze not leaving her game still. "Didn't have to. You were talking pretty loud. Ya know, for a paranormal investigator, you're really crappy at covert stuff."

"Am not! But then again, it doesn't really matter anyway, does it? Because I don't DO that kind of stuff anymore!"

"Uh huh. Sure."

"I don't!"

"Right."

Dib glared at his sister, and with all the startling maturity of someone half his age, he pulled himself up from the couch and stomped all the way back up the stairs, slamming the door to his room shut behind him when he reached it. He leaned back against it, glaring down at the toes of his converse as if they were responsible for everything.

"Stupid Gaz. Stupid Network. Stupid green alien who always has to fuck everything up." he growled at the offending footwear. Gaz was wrong. He was NOT a paranormal investigator anymore, and he didn't miss that. Nope. Not at all. Not one iota...he found his eyes drawn to his cabinent, a looming gray monstrosity tucked away in the farthest corner of his room. Almost against his will his body followed his eyes until he was standing in front of it, his fingers lightly touching the silvery, glinting steel of the cabinent's handle.

No, he didn't miss it. But maybe, since Scattermoon had told him to capture Zim, just like old times, maybe he could pretend...

He opened the door carefully, as if a bogeyman lurked inside rather than harmless objects. All his old paranormal paraphenalia stared back, the spell drives glinting on top, but that wasn't what he was looking for. He found that buried way in the back: his trench coat. Not the glossy one he wore for shows but the original, the tattered one that had seen the grass and tree bark of many a stakeout, the one that had been with him through the dust of many a fight...The first casualty, the first one to be hurled into the cabinent in a fit of rage and shame and hurt at the news...

Dib shook off the memory as he held it up. The worn black leather was soft and welcoming underneath his fingertips. On impulse, he swung it around him, slipping his lanky arms into the sleeves.

Amazingly enough, it still fit him, though it was a bit tight in the shoulders and the bottom, which had almost touched the ground when he was younger, now hung slightly past the back of his knees. A smile formed, unbidden, on his lips as he posed, puffing himself up with pride like he used to. "Paranormal investigator!" he told the empty room importantly.

Behind him, unknown to the teen, the door had been opened a crack, and through it a purple eye watched, and smiled.

**...**

The next day brought a complete about-face in the behavior of the Dib.

Zim was sitting in the same seat he had claimed as his own yesterday when HE came in. Not only did he look more like his old self-tattered trench coat and all-his golden eyes intentionally sought out and met dead on Zim's fake blue ones. The hyuman stared right at Zim...and smiled, and obvious challenge as his thumb drew deliberately across his own throat. Then the golden gaze purposely broke contact, as the Dib-thing joined his friends.

Zim hid his own pleased baring of teeth behind a gloved hand. He had no idea what had caused the sudden shift in the Dib-but it must have been his superior acting skills. Yeesss, skills that were so amazing they needed but limited contact with their victim! It would not be long now, and the Dib would be at Zim's mercy!

Zim was so busy giggling manically to himself, he was the only one in the room who completely missed the entrance of a blonde female, ponytail swishing, flat midriff showing over a short hot pink and black plaid skirt...Until said female walked over to Dib, yanked his head back by the scythe lock, and mashed her icky germ-infested food hole to his. At that he stopped laughing so fast he gave a very uninvaderly squeaky gasp/snort.

The Dib had a girlfriend?

The _Dib _had a _girlfriend_? By the Tallest, that filthy hyuman sentence was wrong in _so _many ways...Though...not quite so wrong as the soft moany grunty noises coming out of them both, obvious to Zim's sensitive antennae even over the hoots, whistles and catcalls of the other dirt monkeys. The noise made Zim's spooch tighten and twist in his gut in a strange, completely foreign way. He didn't like it. His antennae shivered and flattened tightly to his skull underneath his wig as his eyes closed, wishing they would just _stop_-

The mentoring unit-Mr. Stibbens-suddenly cleared his throat. "All right class, settle down. And Stacey, Dib, please refrain from sucking each other's faces in my class."

Stacey-the female worm-baby currently attempting to inhale Dib's face-didn't reply but pulled off anyway, licking pink glossy lips like a satisfied cat before plunking herself into the desk right next to Dib's. Zim's antennae shivered uncontrollably again at the hazy look behind the familiar glasses, a shiver that continued, travelling down the smaller alien's spine like a cool finger...

"Yes please. It's DIS-GUSTING to watch." he growled to cover up his obvious discomfort, though no one was paying any attention to him.

The Dib turned in his seat, the hazy look replaced with a lazy, smug smirk, golden eyes narrowing knowingly. "If it bothers you so much, space freak, don't watch."

Zim glared back as the other filthy dirt children oohed, but internal disquiet at his own reactions took the heat out of the otherwise blistering, venomous look.

What on Irk was going on...?

**A/N: Woo Ch.3! Yay for Gaz being almost supportive! :). Sorry for it being so short. It will get longer and more interesting in the next update, I promise. Usual disclaimer: Zim, Dib and Invader Zim in general belong to Jhonen Vasquez not me.**


	4. Captured!

**Ch. 4: Captured!**

Later, deep within the base, the results for several tests and bioscans scrolled across the screens in front of Zim. Nothing. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him. Nothing at all to account for his bizarre reaction to the mate-y noises first period. So Zim did what Zim did best-he chalked it up to the inferior Earth atmosphere and pretended it never happened.

With a quiet huff the alien cleared the results from his screens-to find himself suddenly face-to-face with a moon-sized freckled white face. "Heya buddy!"

Zim's startled shriek could have been heard at ground level, if the only being there had been paying any attention. "KEEF?"

"Ya!" The face pulled out a bit from the camera, so two big blue eyes could be seen as well. "The Spooky Dukes are having a special concert on the park green tonight and I was going to see if you'd come with me again. It'll be fun!"

Red eyes narrowed. "Keef," the alien managed in a more normal voice. "Don't you have other hyumans to annoy?"

The cheerful grin dropped a bit. "Erm yeah, but they're not nice like you. They pick on me." The face brightened again. "Besides, I like you more! So whaddaya say? Please come with me? Pleeeease? I'll do anything!"

Zim had been on the verge of calling GIR and commanding him to throw the annoying hyuman off his doorstep, when the worm baby's last sentence had his antennae perking in interest. "_Anything_, you say?" The oblivious younger boy nodded happily.

"Very well. I will go to another filthy concert with you. But you have to agree to be my human slave."

Keef beamed. "Okay! See you at 7!"

Zim smiled as the boy skipped happily away. His first hyuman slave. Not the one he had in mind, but that would come soon enough. Besides, another concert meant more opportunity to observe, and make potentially friendly contact with, the Dib. It was, as the hyumans would call it, a win-win situation.

**...**

The park was a better venue than the first one-less hot, less crowded feeling, with the added bonus of a nearly completely unobstructed view of the night sky-but they had to sit on the icky, dirty, germ-infested ground. Zim fidgeted, rubbing his arms and occasionally slapping to get rid of the invisible menaces, becoming more and more convinced as time passed that no hyuman slave was worth this, especially one as annoying as Keef.

The alien was just giving some serious consideration to leaving, when the lights on the impromptu stone stage a few steps ahead of them dimmed. They were sitting close enough for Zim to see three shadows move across the stage-the Dib's fellow noise-makers. But where was the Dib?

Zim's head swiveled this way and that, searching for the familiar skinny frame, noting out of the corner of his eye the subtle brightening of the lights onstage as the music started. Then the lights flared to full brightness with the drums, activating a spotlight, which immediately lit up the Dib, who was standing in the shadow of a tree a few feet from where Zim and Keef sat.

"I am an arms dealer, fittin' you with weapons in the form of words. And,"

"I don't really care, which side wins."

Dib pushed away from the tree. "Long as the room keeps singin' that's just the business I'm in, yeah!"

The boy started toward the stage, steps rolling, jaunty like the music, tattered end of his trench coat flowing behind him. "This ain't a scene, it's a God! Damn! Arms! Race!"

"This ain't a scene, it's a God! Damn! Arms! Race!"

"This ain't a scene, it's a God! Damn! Arms! Race!" By this point Dib was onstage, in front of an empty mike stand. He brushed a black clad shoulder. "I'm not a shoulder to cry on," He held up a finger. "But I digress."

The music swelled outwards, taking the Dib's voice with it. "I'm a leading man, and the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate. I'm a leading man, and the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate."

Dib brought his hands together in front of him as if to pray, amber eyes glinting and fiery, voice going low. "I wrote the gospel on givin' up."

"You look pretty sinkin'!"

"But the real bombshells have already sung..."

"Prima donnas of the gutter!"

"At night we're paintin' your trash gold, while you sleep," Dib smirked, grabbing and wiggling his own hips as he sang: "crashin' not like hips or cars, no! More like p-p-p-parties."

Zim watched the display, puzzled. Onstage, the Dib was nothing like he was at Skool. It was as if two different Dibs shared the same body. One was quiet, did his work and hardly made a fuss in class (aside from the incident with the Stacey-female this morning) while this other wiggled and gyrated, singing and winking at his audience, impudent and playful at the same time. It made Zim's head hurt to try to make sense of it, so he just gave up and watched.

"This ain't a scene, it's a God! Damn! Arms! Race!"

"This ain't a scene, it's a God! Damn! Arms! Race!"

"This ain't a scene, it's a God! Damn! Arms! Race!" Dib smirked, winking at the cheering audience. "Bandwagon's full, please catch another.

"I'm a leading man, and the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate. I'm a leading man, and the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate. Yeah. Whoooa. Woo!"

The music swelled into a drumroll. "All the boys who the dance floor didn't love, and the girls whose lips couldn't move fast enough, sing! Until your lungs give out!"

And the audience, (including Keef) obediently cried: "This ain't a scene, it's a God! Damn! Arms! Race! This ain't a scene, it's a God! Damn! Arms! Race!"

Dib pointed right at Zim, smirk turning challenging. "Now you!" Zim glared back out of habit as Keef shrilly cried out the lyrics in answer.

Then the rest of the band joined in with the familiar riff, and Dib sang, his gaze and smirk never leaving Zim's face. "_I'm _the leading man, and the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate. _I'm_ the leading man, and the lie I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate!"

The music ended, again to antennae-bursting applause. Some (like Keef) even stood up. Zim stayed where he was, antennae flattened in pain to his scalp, watching Dib, and Dib watching him. Then the Dib did something that threw Zim completely off guard: he smiled at the smaller alien and crooked a black gloved finger slowly at him, a gesture even Zim knew as a 'come here' motion. Then the teen hopped off the side of the stage (unnoticed in all the chaos) and walked off into the dark, obviously expecting Zim to follow.

Contrary to the belief of some (like Tak), Zim was not stupid, by any means. He could actually be quite clever when he wanted something. He just had the tendency to grossly underestimate the abilities of others and to vastly overestimate his own, a tendency that even war could not break him of. This was one of those many times.

While Keef cheered obliviously beside him, the alien silently rose to follow, smirking triumphantly to himself.

Irken vision during the day was excellent, far better than that of a human; but at night, especially an Earth-night as dark as this one, Zim's vision was as bad as, if not worse than, a human's. Somewhere deep inside, his PAK registered this, and sent a nervous shiver down his spine in warning. Zim's grin faltered, but he shook it off. He was a trained Irken soldier! He survived a war; by the Tallest, he could handle one measly hyuman dirt-monkey, dark or no dark. Besides, his antennae could more than make up for what his eyes couldn't see! To prove it to himself, he yanked off the black and red wig. His antennae perked up, obediently scenting the air.

He could sense the hyuman. could smell the sharp scent of his sweat, and something else, something more subtle, muskier, that made his antennae and back shiver in that strange way again...Zim's near-useless eyes fell half closed, and he stopped walking. The scent wasn't in front of him, though...it was...His back stiffened. _Behind. _The Dib-scent was _behind _him.

Before he could turn around, the warmth of the human's body was there, solid and looming. He felt a light gust of air on the back of his head, near the base of one antenna. "Hi Zim."

"...Dib-stink?" Zim squeaked, caught somewhere between smeet-like intimidation and something else, something the alien didn't even want to think about.

Then, _snick_. Something cold and metallic closed tightly around one of Zim's wrists. Zim immediately snapped out of whatever bizarre spell the dirt-monkey managed to put on him, but as he spun around, rearing back to strike the hyuman, a peculiar, unnatural lethargy swept over him, making him stagger drunkenly instead. Another cold circle surrounded and pulled tight on Zim's other wrist. A burst of alarm went through the alien's body from his PAK, but it was too late; his legs gave way, and his eyelids slid shut, abandoning him to the full dark of unconsciousness...

**...**

"Wow, wasn't expecting that to actually _work_." Dib murmured to himself, catching the sleeping alien before he could faceplant into the grass. It was a first-one of his plans involving the alien freak had actually _worked_, and flawlessly, too. Now, where to hide him...?

Dib carefully scooped up the alien-he was pretty small, being roughly the size of an eleven-year-old boy (he had grown a little in the year he had spent on Earth before) and fairly light, despite the dense metal PAK. His head lolled limply on a boneless neck, coming to rest against Dib's shoulder. The boy wrinkled his nose, hoping the sleeping alien wouldn't drool...

At the back of the large, long, circular stage, was a small, hollowed-out cubby of sorts, hidden by a hanging spray of ivy, where Dib used to play when he was really little. It was just large enough to stash the sleeping Zim until the end of the show...

Dib nudged the ivy aside with a shoulder, carefully placing the Irken inside. He was just about to pull away, when the smaller alien's gloved hands shot out, gripping the front of Dib's shirt. He froze, fearing the sleep cuffs had somehow stopped working-but then Zim made a small, squeaky, whimper-like noise, head nuzzling forward, against Dib's chest.

Dib breathed a silent sigh of relief, reaching up to carefully pry the gloved fists off his shirt, and pushing the alien gently into a lying position inside the little cubby. Zim whimpered, but didn't grab Dib again. Dib rearranged the ivy to cover the cubby and its new occupant, hoping and praying the small alien would stay quiet and unnoticed...

As Dib hurried back to rejoin his bandmates, he passed close by a worried-looking Keef. "Hey Dib. Have you seen Zim? He was here a minute ago..."

"Uh yeah. He was going home. Said something about hating concerts." Dib lied quickly, looking away quickly to cover up the blatant fib. He felt bad for the kid, he really did, but as he climbed back onstage, he assured himself that it was for his own good-for _everyone's _own good-that Zim never be found again.

**A/N: Daww Zim is so cute :). Told you this one would be longer and more interesting! Well at least I hope you guys think it is. It's my fav so far. Usual disclaimer: Dib, Zim and Invader Zim in general belong to Jhonen Vasquez, not me. Lyrics used are from This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race, and belong to Fallout Boy.  
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	5. Between a Rock and a Hard Place

**Ch.5: Between a Rock and a Hard Place**

When Dib finally managed to get away from his bandmates and the usual general post-concert craziness, he made his way straight to the cubby at the back of the stage, fully expecting the alien to be gone.

Glancing over his shoulder out of habit-there was no one even close to where he was; they were all busy getting hammered around a small bonfire near the park's pond-Dib hurried as quickly and silently as he could to the cubby. Once there, he dropped to his knees in front of it and shoved the ivy aside.

He wasn't.

Zim was still in the cubby. He had turned over and curled in on himself in his sleep, handcuffed hands pressed against his chest, _but he was still there_. Still Dib's prisoner.

Dib stared, dumbstruck, hardly daring to believe what his eyes were telling him. He didn't know how long he just kind of sat there staring-it could have been anywhere from five minutes to an hour, for all he knew-before one glorious word penetrated his stunned brain.

_Victory_.

He'd finally won! It had taken six years, but he had finally done it. The alien was his to expose at last-well his and Scattermoon's, but that was just a small detail. When he delivered Zim to SEN's leader, they would prove to the world that aliens existed, and he would finally get the recognition-

He shook his head hard to dislodge that dangerous train of thought, scythe lock whipping back and forth. No. All he would do was deliver the green freak to Scattermoon, and that was it. Whatever happened after that was completely her and SEN's business. After that he would wash his hands clean of the paranormal (again) and focus on the Spooky Dukes and his happy, _normal _life.

With that firmly in mind, Dib leaned forward, easily scooping up the smaller alien again. As he brought him out of the cubby, the flattened antennae shivered, and the sleeping alien whimpered again and turned in Dib's loose grip, hands uncurling to grip Dib's shirt, face pressing into the boy's black clad shoulder.

Said boy just sat there on his knees for a minute, confused. He hadn't been expecting compliance of any kind from the alien, even in sleep, and...not like this. It was so strange and out of character for the alien, it put a weird, squirmy feeling in Dib's stomach...He quickly shook it off and stood up, beginning the silent, careful trudge back to his car.

Several minutes later, and Dib's black Lexus pulled up into the driveway. He glanced at the clock on his dash as he turned the engine off. 12am. Gaz would be in bed, and Dib's dad, if he was here, would be in the lab, or in bed himself, if the man ever slept (which Dib still had doubts about). Either way, he was clear to bring the alien in.

"Heh. Listen to that. Even my thoughts have fallen back into old habits." he mumbled to himself. He snorted. "And so has my voice box, apparently."

Stashing the keys into his trench coat pocket, he got out, turning immediately to open the back seat, where Zim lay, still snoring obliviously away. Dib sighed, not wanting to touch the alien and be grabbed again, but seeing as he had no choice in the matter...

He ducked in, slipping his arms underneath the half curled green body. Said body was limp, and didn't move to grab Dib again, but when he straightened, he sighed, mumbling something in what Dib assumed was Irken. It...sounded like a name. Dib stared at the sleeping face, wondering who...He shook his head, nudging the car door shut with his hip.

"Doesn't matter, Dib," he mumbled to himself. "Focus."

Inside the darkened house, his father's floating screen rushed silently to meet Dib at the door, but it didn't show him his father's face. Instead it displayed a message in glowing green letters. Dib barely spared it a glance, knowing that all it was was a variation on an old theme-Dad had to stay over at the main lab. Same old shit, different excuse. Dib had stopped caring about it a long time ago.

He sidestepped the machine, somewhat more awkwardly than usual due to the alien burden in his arms, but he managed all the same, making his silent, careful way to and up the stairs. An angry, sleep-deprived Gaz was not a monster Dib wanted to face-_ever_.

In the far corner of Dib's room lay a small, makeshift nest of sorts, made up of a few pillows and old blankets. A thin cord made up of the same material as the handcuffs hung from a steel ring up high on the wall, well out of reach of devious alien fingers. Dib may be a lot of things, but he wasn't a monster. Zim's stay at Casa Membrane, though short and definitely not first class, would not be uncomfortable. It was much more than the murderous, genocidal alien deserved, but...oh well.

Dib sighed to himself, placing the alien on his back in the nest of blankets and pillows. Taking the slender metal cord in hand, he attached it carefully to the cuffs' linking chain, giving it several firm tugs to make sure it would be strong enough to restrain the weakened alien, should he become aware enough to attempt to escape.

When he was satisfied with it, he dropped the cord and cuffs, moving over to his computer...

The next morning, Dib was awakened, not by sunlight or a response from Scattermoon but a small, hard object hitting him in the back of head.

"Ow...?" Dib blinked, wondering groggily why he had a sideways view of his windows, and more importantly, of his undisturbed bed. Oh yeah. Capturing Zim. Going to the computer to contact Scattermoon...He sat up slowly, wincing at the crick in his neck, reaching up to feel the headset still on his head. He must have fallen asleep mid broadcast.

"'ey." Something thunked on the carpet right next to Dib's chair as he pulled off the headset. "Stinky Dib."

Dib looked up at the slurred voice. Zim had managed to not only sit up, but to lean against the wall for support as well. At some point the conacts had come out, and the alien looked at Dib through fuzzy ruby slits.

He wasn't throwing-or attempting to throw-a tantrum like Dib had expected him to. He wasn't even yelling. He was just kind of sitting there, like a limp green doll, one antenna slicked flat against his scalp, the other perked up weakly, like a limp flag, as if he were listening.

Dib meant to say something like "shut up" or "what", since the alien had called his name, but what came out was something completely different. "Why did you come back, Zim?"

Surprise at the question spread slowly on the foreign green face. Then it settled into a sleepy, lopsided smirk. "Makin' amends."

Except it sounded more like "mikin amids". Dib snorted. "The day you decide to make amends, Zim, is the day I dress up and go flamenco dancing."

Zim did his old face where one nonexistent brow would lift and the other would narrow, except the cuffs' lethargic effect made the expression drunken-looking and lopsided. It would have been hilarious, had Dib been in a laughing mood. "Whut's fla-mink-o?"

Dib opened his mouth to tell the clueless alien to forget it, when the computer in front of him chimed softly. It was the only warning he got before Scattermoon's shadowy face filled the screen.

"Yes, Agent Mothman?"

Dib shut his mouth quickly, turning to face his former leader. "Agent Scattermoon, I have Subject Zim."

Slender, feminine hands gripped each other in excitement. "Excellent! I knew you could do it! Brilliant, brilliant work. Come to the Regional Park on the edge of town with it this evening, before sundown."

"Understood. Mothman out." Scattermoon nodded as Dib shut off the program, then his computer. All the while he felt the weight of a ruby stare on the back of his head. Reluctantly, he turned to meet it, braced for the tantrum he was sure he would have to deal with now...

He was met with wide, confused crimson eyes. "Wha...?"

"It was exactly what it sounded like, Zim." Dib's voice was flat. "I'm going to give you to the leader of the Swollen Eyeball Network so I won't have to deal with your shit anymore. Whatever happens to you after that will be up to the Network."

Both of the smaller alien's antennae flattened again, eyes narrowing in anger even as the rest of him shrank back further against the wall. "Typical hyuuman," he slurred. "Tryin' makin' friends an' they throw it in Zim's face..."

Dib snorted. "You were never here to make friends with me, Zim. Not then and sure as hell not now. That's just another lame attempt to get around me so you can destroy the planet. Hate to say it, space boy, but things are _not _going to go your way this time."

What the hell was wrong with him? Those words should have been gloating, victorious, but all he could manage was bitterness and anger. Just like the day he found out Zim was leaving Earth for war out in space...

Zim opened his mouth to say something-probably some half-assed denial-but Dib cut him off. "Just shut up, Zim. Or better yet, go back to sleep." And with that he stood up, with enough focus to make his chair roll back, and buried himself in his own bed, yanking the blankets over his head and curling away from his captive.

**...**

Zim stared at the lump on the bed, stunned. The Dib really _wasn't_ the Dib anymore. The thought should have made Zim cackle with glee. The Dib-monkey had finally succumbed to the dis-gusting, filthy ignorance the other dirt-monkeys called 'conformity.' If Zim managed to escape-and he would, because he was ZIM-the world would be his to destroy at his leisure.

But Zim was far from gleeful. He hissed in anger, gloved hands clenching weakly in his lap. This WAS NOT how Zim wanted it to be, how it was supposed to be. Destroying the Dib had been one of the main draws of coming back to this filthy acidic mudball. Without the Dib to get in his way...the victory would be pointless. As pointless as squishing a whole colony of bugs. And not even the stinging kind, either.

There had to be something here, something to explain the dramatic change in the Dib. Zim only had a limited time to find it-his PAK had given him a small injection while they had been talking, just enough of one to wake him up some and clear his head a bit. But with the cuffs still on, it wouldn't last.

"PAK!" he growled, twisting his head around to glare at what he could see of said machinery. Its internal mechanisms clicked, whirred...but no legs appeared. Instead, a message flashed across his eyes.

**INTERNAL CONNECTION ERROR: PAK LEGS UNAVAILABLE**

The alien growled out an Irken word that would have made the Almighty Tallest blush, kicking out in a weak, furious tantrum-a motion that brought his attention outward, where a glint of light on metal caught his eye.

It was the handle of a very large gray cabinent, near where Dib had chained him to the wall. A cabinent whose door was ajar.

PAK completely forgotten, the alien scooted toward it, shoving and kicking pillows and blankets out of his way...but the cord attached to the cuffs quickly brought him up short. He hissed in irritation, yanking as hard as he could on it, but it was no use. Refusing to be thwarted by the hyuuman and his inferior Earth technology, the small alien stretched out as flat as he could, straining out with a booted foot toward the open door...

Finally, the tip of his boot caught on the edge of the door, and he was able to push it completely open. As Zim squeed in victory, something light and papery fluttered out of the cabinent, landing on his foot. Curiously, and with the last dregs of his leap in energy, Zim sat up, pulling the thing to him with his foot.

It was an image device hyumans called a 'photograph'. When he turned it over, his own disguiseless face stared back. He was inside his base, sitting slumped on the couch, plotting, an equally disguiseless GIR curled at his feet, asleep with a metal thumb stuck in his mouth.

The photo was not recent; it was old and starting to yellow on the edges. It was worn, too, but not from age. Fingers had caused the worn patches, though repeated handling; he could feel the vague shape of them in the material. Human fingers...Zim's head lifted, eyes narrowing at the lump on the bed, gears turning in his mind...

**A/N: This is why I always come here for my ego boosts. You guys write such nice things to me when you review :). Usual dislclaimer: Zim, Dib and Invader Zim in general belong to Jhonen Vasquez, not me. **


	6. Murphy's Law

**Ch.6: Murphy's Law**

When Dib finally woke up, it was to the sound of loud faux snoring. He sat up slowly, pushing the blanket off his head, aiming a squinting glare in the direction of the noise. "I know you're awake, Zim. You don't snore."

As he grabbed his glasses and shoved them on, he heard a rustle, and a clink of the cord. When he looked again, Zim had managed to maneuver himself into a defensive crouching position back against the wall; but he was still wobbly and woozy from the cuffs. He blinked rapidly as he stared back at Dib, fighting to maintain focus.

When Dib shifted his legs off the bed to stand up, the alien hissed and shifted himself, pressing his back more firmly against the wall. _Protecting his PAK_. He finally saw Dib as a real threat. The boy sighed, rubbing his eyes and face, trying and failing not to notice how that made his guts hurt.

When he stood up, the alien growled, "Don' come near me, hyuman."

Dib glanced at his alarm clock. "Relax, space monster. We've got a bit before sundown." His stomach gurgled, unhappily reminding him of two missed meals and no dinner the night before.

The smaller alien seemed surprised when Dib headed for the door, giving the messed up nest of blankets and pillows a wide berth. "W-where are youu goin'?"

Dib rubbed an eye, surpressing a yawn. "Food. Want any?"

Even 'drugged' up by the cuffs, the alien managed to bristle. "Eat dis-gusting hyuuman food? By the Tallest, no!"

"Suit yourself." Dib shut the door quietly behind him. Across the way, Gaz's door was open, the room inside dark. But when he glanced into the living room on his way to the kitchen, the purple-haired girl was nowhere to be seen. Dib shrugged it off, focusing instead on a more pressing issue.

Zim. He was awake enough to put up a fight now, and from his reactions when Dib got up, it was definitely going to be a problem. He had expected this, anticipated it, but he was beginning to learn that there was a huge gap between planning a plan and the act itself. Swallowing back the sick feeling inside, and taking a deep, steadying breath, Dib walked down the stairs at the end of the kitchen, down into his father's lab...

When Dib came back into the bedroom, he tossed a bag of chips in Zim's general direction, not really caring if he ate any or not. It was just...weird to Dib to eat in front of someone who wasn't, especially since that someone was currently chained to his wall.

As Dib sat on the bed silently with his small horde of junk food, Zim eyed the bag as if were about to grow legs and come after him. But it had been quite some time since he had eaten as well, and filthy hyuuman pig-slop was better than nothing...

After a long moment, he peeked up at Dib, to make sure he wasn't looking. When he saw that the Dib's attention was safely directed out the window and on his own 'meal', he snatched up the bag and tore into it eagerly. Dib heard the noise but didn't turn around, a smile tugging, unbidden, at his mouth.

When it sounded like Zim had finished, Dib decided to test the boundaries of this odd ceasefire and tossed him another one. Over his shoulder, of course; he knew the proud alien didn't want to be seen as accepting something from an inferior hyuuman, especially the one named Dib.

For a second, Dib thought he wouldn't take it. But then he heard the quiet crinkle of the bag being opened-gentler this time.

After that, they each crunched to themselves in relative silence, a silence that was more comfortable than Dib expected it to be, a fact that made his guts squirm and twist even more...

When Zim finished the second bag, he squinted at the back of Dib's head quizzically. "Why is the Dib being nice to Zim?"

"Because he's not a monster, Zim." Somehow, that sentence rung a little less true in the face of what he was about to do...

He stretched out his legs, tossing them over the side of the bed with a brisk focus he certainly didn't feel, palming something on the bed behind him. "Time to go, Zim."

Zim's antennae, which had perked up some to listen, immediately flattened again in threat as he glared and hissed.

This was the hard part. He didn't bother to persuade the alien-it wouldn't have worked, anyway. He moved forward carefully, into the nest space, dropping down a bit so he was on Zim's level. There he paused, watching Zim as if he were a wild animal. Zim stared back, watching, motionless for once. As Dib moved closer, the alien shivered, lids dropping a bit-but then he launched himself forward in a swipe at the human, with both bound fists. Dib instinctively ducked back, grabbing one of the thin green arms-

"OW!" Zim yelped, jerking back. Dib let him go, watching as he turned his arm over, revealing a small puncture wound leaking dark blue blood.

As he looked up at Dib with wide, shocked eyes, the boy held up a hand, revealing a small band around one finger with a tiny needle sticking out of it.

"Thumbtack sedative," he said quietly, amber eyes sad. "Good night, Zim."

It hit Zim 'like a ton of bricks', as a human would say: a high powered sedative, much stronger than the cuffs by far. Not even his superior body or mind could resist it. The alien was out long before his body slumped over onto the blankets.

Dib sighed to himself, carefully removing the band and setting it aside before turning back to Zim...

**...**

A few minutes later, and Dib's black Lexus was out and prowling the streets again, an unconscious alien in the backseat, chasing the last red-orange rays of sunlight westward, toward the park.

Every now and again, Dib felt his eyes drift up, toward his rearview mirror. Not to check traffic-the road was pretty much empty-but to look at the being in his backseat. Zim. His enemy. The world's enemy. After this, there would be not even the slightest of slight chances of him ever bothering Dib again. After this, the only way Dib would ever see Zim again was on the news-if they publicized anything remotely specific, that is.

This should have made Dib happy-happy enough to shit rainbows and baby unicorns. But...He growled in frustration at himself, jerking his eyes back down to watch the road, where they belonged.

Soon after, Dib was pulling into the Regional Park, and into a secluded grove further down the drive. Scattermoon was already there; a red Chevy Cobalt with an indigo SEN symbol in the back window was parked in the grass near the grove.

Dib shut off the engine and sat there a long moment, gripping the wheel hard enough to make his knuckles turn white. He took a deep breath. "C'mon Dib. Just get it over with." And with that, he let go of the wheel, shoving open the car door.

Dib walked slowly past the Cobalt, into the heart of the grove a few feet away. As he skirted past a weeping willow, he saw her, sitting casually at a picnic table.

Dib's jaw dropped. Even for a much older woman, she was pretty. Very, _very _pretty. Her long, light silver hair was swept back in a loose bun on the back of her head, revealing a finely wrinkled, heart-shaped face with cheekbones sharp enough to cut butter. She wore a white and gunmetal gray jumpsuit, similar to his father's labcoat; that would have told Dib she was from a science-related profession, but under that ageless sapphire gaze, all Dib was aware of was how much of a sleep-rumpled mess he was...

She smiled at him, rising from her seat and moving toward him. There was something weird in the way she walked-she almost seemed to float, the edges of the jumpsuit around her legs seeming to shimmer...He blinked, dismissing it as a trick of the weird lighting in the grove.

When she was in front of him, she said, "Hello, Agent Mothman. Or should I say, Dib?"

Dib nodded stupidly. "Um, hi, Agent Scattermoon-"

"Oh please, call me Martha." She interrupted good-naturedly, giving him a hug. "We _are _friends, after all."

"M-Martha..." She smelled nice, a weird, mildly spicy fragrance he couldn't place. Something itched at the back of his mind, but it was quickly forgotten as she let go of him and stepped back.

She sighed happily, smiling at him again. "Do you have the Subject?"

"Wha-? O-oh yeah. In my car." _What the hell_? Dib turned to make his way back to his Lexus, Sca-_Martha _following easily behind.

When he opened his backseat door to reveal Zim, Martha inhaled sharply. "Magnificent specimen..." Dib snorted, biting his lip to keep in a sarcastic comment regarding Zim's 'magnificence'.

Martha ignored him, instead crouching down on her long legs to get a better look at the unconscious alien. Zim's antennae shivered as her shadow fell over him, and he curled in tighter on himself, revealing more of the glinting metal of his PAK. Martha exhaled, almost shakily, one slender hand reaching out toward the alien device...

What happened next happened in a blur to Dib's eyes. A flash of soundless light half blinded him when Martha touched the PAK; a high pitched, inhuman shriek followed, and a blurred shape was thrown away from the side of the car.

Dib turned in shocked alarm, blinking quickly to clear his vision. "Martha! Are you-?" What he saw took the words right out of his mouth.

Martha lay on the grass, rolling to clutch at her arm. But her shape was fuzzy, and as Dib stared, it blinked out of existence altogether, revealing a faint blue humaniod shape, with something like clear, long, hornlike, antenna-thin appendages curled around the sides of her head where her bun used to be. A face, more birdlike than human, looked up at Dib's voice.

It finally clicked for Dib. "You're an-!"

"Alien," the familiar voice hissed from the strange face. She-it rose up on thin, gazelle-like legs, raising an arm with a threatening silvery gun-like device attached, pointing it at Dib-

"Big Head Boooooy!" Squeed a voice.

"GIR?" A green blur hit the Scattermoon-alien dead on, slamming her/it into a nearby tree. Dib didn't hang around to see what happened next. He slammed Zim's door shut and jumped in, backing out so fast the tired ripped up grass.

He slammed on the gas, practically flying down the park's driveway. A stream of cursewords flew from his mouth as his brain reeled. Scattermoon was an alien. SCATTERMOON, the elected LEADER of the Swollen Eyeball Network, was. An. Alien. His friend, his mentor through all his years as a paranormal invesigator, was. An. ALIEN!

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-!" _No, Dib _think! _You used to be good at that, remember?_ Right. Plan. He had one, for situations similar to this.

He cleared his throat, brain clicking through his options. "Call Gaz," he ordered his dashboard computer. The thing dinged; then the sound of a phone dialing and then ringing filled the car. _C'mon Gaz. Pick up pick up pick up_-

She did, after three rings. "This better be good, Dib."

"It is. Where are you?"

Dib could almost see the fifteen year old bristling. "Just got home, not like it's any of your business. Why?"

Dib breathed an enormous sigh of relief. "Gaz, I need you to listen to me carefully. Scattermoon, the leader of the Swollen Eyeball Network, is an alien. A very dangerous, hostile alien who wants Zim for some reason. Anyway, I need you to go into Dad's lab and prep the-"

Gaz, as usual, was ten steps ahead of her brother. "You haven't thought this plan through, have you?"

"Wha-?"

"They're here, Dib. Dad's colleagues from Dorkville. He's showing them some stupid invention in his lab..."

"Shit! Okay Gaz, I need you to get them all out of the house, now!"

When Gaz didn't immediately answer, Dib's heart sank. "_Please_ Gaz. I can't afford to have them see him, not yet. Not until I've done something about Scattermoon."

There was another long, heart-stopping pause. Then: "Okay. But you owe me, Dib. Big time."

Dib let out the breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding. "Thanks, Gaz." She hung up. As Dib reluctantly slowed his wild pace-to give Gaz more time, and since there was no sign of iminent pursuit-he became aware of another sound. Laughter, high-pitched and drunk-sounding, coming from his back seat.

Near panic gave way to anger. "Shut up, Zim! This isn't funny!"

"Oho yussss. Sweet sweet irony. It's delicious!" the alien cackled again, the noise growing softer and then dying out completely as the sedative took him away again. Dib shook his head in irritation, though a part of him-a very, _very _small part, mind-was secretly relieved.

**A/N: Woohoo! Ch.6! Poor Dib :(. Not only is he falling in love with his worst enemy, the only mentor-ish figure in his life turned out to be a sociopathic alien in disguise...definitely Murphy's Law material *nods*  
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**Usual disclaimer: Dib, Zim and Invader Zim in general all belong to Jhonen Vasquez. Scattermoon, however, is miiine *pets evil alien*  
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	7. Alliance

**Ch.7: Alliance**

When Dib pulled up to his house, the place was as deserted as it had been when he left it-save for Gaz lounging primly on the porch, queen of the world, with the Gameslave on her lap.

Dib opened the door, sliding out and standing up warily. "Gaz? Are they gone?"

"Obviously," Anyone who didn't know Gaz as well as Dib did would have found her body language to be its usual indifference, but to Dib, the girl telegraphed smugness, even at this distance.

He sighed, shutting his door and turning to the backseat. "How'd you do it?"

Gaz actually looked up and smirked at that, though her brother couldn't see. "I told them President Woman called to tell Dad she was on her way to see him at the main lab. Idiots believed me."

Dib snorted, ducking in to pick up Zim. Of course they did. Gaz was Daddy's Little Girl. No insanity scares there. And a model citizen to boot, as far as they knew...

Nudging the backseat door shut, Dib walked quickly up to where Gaz sat, glancing warily behind him reflexively, though there was no sign of Scattermoon anywhere, nor of any form of pursuit at all, really. Far from calming him, it made him feel all the more paranoid and on edge...

"Gaz, could you get the door...?" he asked automatically as he reached her-his arms were starting to ache from all the putting down, picking up, and carrying around of the obnoxious green alien. Gaz gave him The Look-capitalized for its capacity to melt steel and annoying older brothers. "...or not..." He could manage easily enough on his own. Zim wasn't all _that _heavy. Gaz pointedly followed after him, though...

"Why didn't you just let the other alien have him?" she asked doubtfully, jerking a thumb at his burden.

"Gaz, you know what his PAK is capable of. Do you know what an alien like Scattermoon could _do _with that kind of technology?"

"Do you know what _Dad _could do with that kind of technology?" Gaz countered. Dib faltered on the steps for a minute, but quickly recovered, turning deliberately to face his sister.

"I do, Gaz," he said slowly. "Which is why you and Dad have to go on Campalooza without me."

Campalooza, a direct result of their father reading far too many parenting studies, was whatever month he or Gaz (usually Gaz) chose, their father would drop everything and take them camping, just the three of them, for a whole month. Of course, being Professor Membrane, the 'camping' was done in the most high tech way possible-with wifi and everything.

Gaz looked at him as if he had really gone around the bend this time. "Campalooza? It's the middle of the skool year!"

"I know, Gaz, but Scattermoon is extremely dangerous, and you know that Dad'll just blow me off if I try to warn him. He'll probably call it a 'psychotic relapse' or something. And since when have you cared at all about skool, anyway?"

He had her there. Any time in which she wasn't allowed to play her Gameslave was time wasted, as far as she was concerned. And at Campalooza she could play it all she wanted...AND have their father all to herself...

"Fine." she growled, turning and stomping her way back downstairs. Dib continued back up to his room. At the doorway he paused, looking down at the sleeping alien in his arms, so oddly innocent-looking. Coming to a decision, he ignored the nest and cord, placing the alien instead on his back in Dib's own bed (after clearing all the junk off, of course). He dug into the left-hand bottom drawer of his desk for the key to the cuffs.

When he found it, he stared down at it in his palm for a long second. "Wow, I really _am _crazy," he mumbled to himself, dazed.

Quickly, before common sense could voice its (very negative) opinion inside his head, he unlocked the cuffs and took them off the small green wrists. Their owner remained unconscious, and would stay that way for a while, thanks to the thumbtack sedative. Just as well; Dib needed time to set up another, vital part of his plan...

**...**

Waking up for Zim was...odd, to say the least. Like falling upward, into the most delicious-smelling cloud...A small, smeety squeak came out of him as he gathered as much of it as he could to himself, nuzzling his face happily into it.

As more awareness of his surroundings slowly came back to him, he realized what he was clutching so tightly wasn't a cloud but sheets. And that the delicious smell was familiar...very familiar...He pressed his head further in, doing the Irken version of inhaling deeply with his antennae. Hm. Zim's sheets didn't smell this good. Zim's sheets smelled like sanitizing chemicals and mothballs. Then whose-?

Zim's eyes snapped open, and he scrambled backward with a muffled shriek. He clung to the wall, alien heart pounding. The Dib's sheets! He had been cuddling THE DIB'S sheets! UGH! Zim shuddered, hugging himself tightly, feeling the sudden, desperate need for a chemical bath-

Wait. His arms were free? He looked down, pulling them away from his body. No cuffs. No hyuuman restrictions of any kind. Although, one of his sleeves was rolled up to his elbow. Half curious, half suspicious, Zim turned that arm over.

A small yellow smiley face bandage covered the puncture wound the Dib's filthy device had made in his arm. Zim's eyes narrowed in a glare at it. Stupid inferior hyuuman...sticky thing. He callously ripped it off.

His yelp rang loudly through the room. "Gah! Curse youuuu!" he snarled, throwing the thing down and giving it the most hateful glare he could manage.

Quickly, though, he was distracted from his new enemy by a sound. His antennae perked immediately to attention. Movement. Downstairs. Ruby eyes narrowed. _Dib-stink._

Zim leaped off the bed-but his body wasn't quite ready for it, so instead of landing smoothly on his feet, the alien's knees buckled on impact, pitching him forward. With a very uninvaderly squawk, Zim managed to catch himself with his hands.

Hissing angrily at his uncooperative body, Zim planted his feet again, pulling his noodly legs gingerly forward and pushing up with his hands, until he was more or less crouching, his full weight back on his legs. When they didn't give out from under him again, he carefully rose to his full height.

Punching the air in victory, Zim made his way to the door, his legs feeling stronger and steadier underneath him with each step.

When he reached the door, his victory smirk disappeared, and he eyed the primitive portal device suspiciously. After a wary second, he tried the doorknob, which was...unlocked. Zim pushed it open, continuing out into the hallway beyond.

The sound of movement downstairs had stopped, but Zim did not. He continued, moving carefully, slowly, antennae pricked and listening, through the short hall and down the stairs. At the bottom, he picked up a fresh trail of Dib-scent. Kitchen. He turned immediately to the right, peeking around the corner when he reached it.

There he was, his coatless back to Zim, fiddling with something on the kitchen table. When he turned away from it, Zim struck, running at full pelt and leaping into a smooth tackle, hitting the clueless Dib dead on, knocking the larger, thin human to the ground with a loud, satisfying _thump_.

Zim immediately pinned his arms, planting himself firmly on the hyuuman's lower back so he couldn't be bucked off. A victorious cackle burst out of Zim's throat. _Who's the helpless one NOW, Dib-stink?_

"Hello Zim." The trapped hyuuman's voice was infuriatingly calm, his body slack in Zim's hold. Angrily Zim's clawed fingers dug into pale wrists, attempting to goad a reaction out of him. When that didn't work he leaned forward, putting his mouth right next to Dib's ear.

"What's to stop me from killing you right now, Dib filth?" he hissed viciously into the tiny, inferior hearing receptor.

"Well, first of all," the boy began in a bored voice. "if you were able to use your PAK legs, you would have done it already."

"Zim can!" Zim snapped back, willing the spidery PAK legs to appear with all his might. _Whirr. Click_. Nothing, except the same message as before. He growled, digging a knee hard into the vulnerable human's back, feeling a sweet jolt of vindictive pleasure when he hissed quietly in pain at last. Serves him right for trying to prove ZIM wrong!

"Second of all," Dib continued, bored voice slightly pained now. "I need you, Zim, and you need me."

Zim blinked in surprise, then narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "_How _do you figure that, Dib-stupid?"

"Scattermoon," Dib's voice dripped with loathing on his former leader's name. "She's dangerous, powerful, and smart. She wants you, and that make her your problem too. I know more about her than you do, but to have a chance at exposing her I'll need superior technology she won't be familiar with. _Your _technology, Zim."

Zim considered the information for a minute, his grip letting up just a bit. "And what if Zim decides he doesn't need your filthy help?"

Dib shrugged, shoulders lifting off the floor slightly. "Can't exactly stop you, can I?"

"Of course you can't, inferior Earth-stink." Zim purred, happy now that he had been reminded of his superiority over the Earth monkey. To prove it he pushed off the boy, swaggering toward the kitchen's back door...

Zim had barely opened it, when a loud screeching noise sounded, and something that felt like an electric shock went through the hand on the doorknob. Zim yelped, letting go of the doorknob and kicking the door shut with his foot. The noise instantly ceased, and in the ringing silence, a noise that sounded suspiciously like metal sliding over various exit points in the house could be heard.

Zim turned to stare at Dib, who stared back innocently from where he now sat on his knees. "What? I did say that _I _couldn't stop you..."

In that second, Zim could have happily choked the life from the insolent worm baby right then and there, with his bare hands. But then he remembered his old plan, and a reply much more devious and deliciously evil occured to him...

Instead of a glare, he graced the human with a smile. "Why Dib-stink, if you wanted to spend more time with the amazing Zim, all you had to do was ask him."

The face Dib made at that was _priceless_. Zim had to bite the inside of his cheek to hold in a victorious cackle as the previously smug hyuuman was suddenly stammering.

"W-wh-_what_? NO! That's not it AT ALL! Zim!"

Zim smirked, swaggering right past the stunned human.

"Shut up, Dib-stutter. Zim is tired. He will hear your pathetic Dib-whining tomorrow." And with that Zim marched right back up the stairs to reclaim Dib's bed, leaving the boy to stare after him, flabbergasted.

**A/N: Woohoo! Ch.7! A funnier chapter, I think. Story was getting a bit angsty serious. Can't have that! :). **

**Ooh Dib. Saying he needed Zim first. A veiled confession, perhaps? Anyway, usual disclaimer: I own nothing! It all belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.**


	8. SSDA

**Ch.8: SSDA (Same Shit, Different Alien)**

"_That's _your plan, Dib-pathetic? Cower in your _fil-thy _hyuuman 'home' and _wait_?"

"I'm not _cowering_, Zim," the human bristled, typing away at his inferior computer 'technology', eyes hidden from Zim due to the glare on his glasses from the computer screen. "Use your 'superior' alien brain for once. Scattermoon wants something. You. Who has you? I do. That leaves two options: one, break down the door, or two, make contact and try to make a deal. She was clever enough to infiltrate SEN, an organization filled with the most paranoid people on the planet. I'd say making contact is the best option."

Zim bristled. "The Dib does not 'have' Zim! Zim has _elected _to stay in this filthy hyuuman base of the Dib's!"

"Mmmhmm. And I'm sure the two inch thick titanium alloy sheets over all the doors and windows had _nothing _to do with it."

Zim glared at the side of the insolent human worm-baby's head, but he was right nonetheless. Zim had regained the use of his PAK legs, but the windows were too narrow and at too weird angles for his height for them to be of any use. If he wanted to get out, that is. Which he didn't. Why would he? There was a Dib here to manipulate, after all...

Speaking of manipulating...Zim sat up on Dib's bed, another devious glint in his eyes as he remembered the photograph. "Dib-obvious, Zim has a question-"

Dib sighed. "Be quiet, Zim. I'm busy."

"Zim wants to know-" Zim began anyway, as if he hadn't heard, but Dib interrupted, growling, "Zim, _shut up_. This is more important than entertaining you right now."

Zim's eyes narrowed in another skin-melting glare at the boy. Zim would not be brushed off so easily. To prove it, he scootched over to the side of the bed...and planted himself right in the boy's lap, deliberately putting his head between Dib's face and the computer screen, blocking Dib's view of it entirely.

The Dib was surprised, to say the least. "Zim! What the hell?"

Zim's antennae flattened to his skull as he leaned in a little, deliberately invading the Dib's air space as he glared. "_Zim_ has a question, and the Dib will listen!"

Dib's eyes widened, making the chair jerk slightly as he pulled back hurriedly. "What the HELL? Get _off, _Zim!" He grabbed the smaller alien around the waist in preparation to shove him off. But Zim grabbed the boy right back, snatching a double handful of the blue shirt in both gloved fists.

In odd, unfamiliar situations like this, Zim fell back into the old habit of falling back on what he learned about human behavior the last time he was here. Unfortunately, that learning stemmed from t.v. shows-or, more specifically, from soap operas.

To shut the Dib up, Zim did what the heroines of those soap operas so often did: he yanked him forward, slamming their mouths together.

It worked; the Dib was instantly silenced and stilled, frozen to his seat and in Zim's hold. Zim expected the experience to be gross-Dib was a filthy hyuuman dirt baby, after all-but what he didn't expect was for it to be so...pleasantly warm, nor to catch a faint whiff of the same delicious scent that was on the sheets, concentrated now that it came from its source...

After a long moment, Dib pushed Zim off. "What the hell, Zim?" the boy repeated a third time, though he sounded more bemused this time than startled or angry. "Why did you-?"

"Shut up, Dib-stink. Zim is curious." The alien pressed his mouth back over the boy's experimentally, eyes unconsciously sliding all the way shut at the return of the warmth...

Only this time, Dib's mouth opened a bit hesitantly underneath Zim's, and something soft, wet and warm pressed against Zim's lips, seeking entrance. A small shudder of revulsion went down Zim's spine, but his treacherous mouth opened for it anyway, eager for more of the pleasant warmth. He got it as Dib's tongue slid in, wrapping around Zim's. Zim's serpentine tongue mimicked the motion, pulling the boy's tongue as far in as it would go, greedily tasting every inch, revelling in the increased pleasant (if wet) warmth. His grip on the boy's shirt tightened, unconsciously keeping its wearer close.

So intent was he on this 'kissing', he was completely unaware of the placement of Dib's hands until one of them slid up his back, around the edge of the PAK, to catch and toy with the sensitive end of one of his antennae.

Zim leaned in heavily on the Dib as a wave of lethargy similar to the cuffs but much more pleasurable washed over him at the touch. Dib took the opportunity to take over the kiss from there, pulling Zim's tongue into his mouth and running his tongue up and down the slender length curiously.

Zim tasted strange but sweet, like a really exotic form of honey...Dib ran his fingers up higher on the slightly scaly feeling antenna, rubbing gently. The reaction was instantaneous; Zim's body went totally lax against Dib's chest (save for the fists currently tangled in his shirt) a soft, catlike purr rolling out of him...

Dib was about to test the alien's reaction to having both antennae touched, when he heard that much-awaited sound: the chime of his computer. Spell broken, Dib's eyes snapped open. He pulled his mouth off of Zim's, scooping the alien up and unceremoniously dumping him back on the bed before hastily turning back to his computer.

Zim gave a loud protesting squawk at the rough treatment and the sudden loss of the warmth and touch, sitting up fast to glare and yell, "DIB-STINK!"

The Dib had the nerve to SHUSH him, waving a hand in Zim's direction like a frantic bird. Zim's hands clenched into fists, and he was seriously considering putting a PAK leg through that gray apathetic face, Scattermoon or no Scattermoon, when said creature appeared, on the glowy computer screen.

There were no shadows covering her this time, but she did wear her human face again. Dib met the cool blue stare with a glare and a curt "Scattermoon," the hurt and anger of betrayal still hot in his chest.

She looked back calmly, almost sadly. "Dib. Allow me a moment to explain."

Dib sat back, lanky arms crossing over his chest. "Oh please _do_. This should be _good_."

Scattermoon pointedly ignored the sarcasm. "I am old, Dib, far older than anyone on this planet could ever hope to be. I came to Earth long before you were born, hoping for help and a peaceful life. I built that life for myself among your kind, and even found temporary methods to sustain that life. Now those methods are beginning to fail. I need a permanent solution. I need Subject Zim's life-sustaining PAK."

For a second, there was complete silence. Then Zim burst out laughing. "The i-inferior _thing _wants Z-Zim's _P-P-PAK_-ahahahaha!"

Scattermoon ignored the near hysterical alien, her gaze set on Dib's face. "What do you think, Dib?"

"Hm. The short version? Hell no."

The other alien's face hardened, and though her voice remained even there was an edge to it. "As someone who was once your friend, Dib, I would advise you to think carefully about this. It would be a real shame for me to destroy this world's only real hope because he chose to defend an insignificant speck of an Irken."

The words were coldly said, verbal bullets of ice, but instead of chilling Dib, it just pissed him off. "Oho, _destroy _me, huh?" he sneered. "Well game on, bitch."

He ended the call with a furious stab of the mouse. Zim had stopped laughing at the insult and glared at the screen, though Scattermoon was no longer on it. "Yessss, game on, inferior stoopid...THING!" He shook a gloved fist for emphasis.

Suddenly...BOOM. The entire house shook. Dib's windows rattled in their panes. Dib's stomach dropped, fury dissapating instantly. "What was that?"

Zim didn't answer, just shrank back, pulling Dib's sheets up around his shoulders, huddling down into them as the house trembled again.

Then the screechy noise went off, and on Dib's computer screen the words SECURITY BREACH flashed in bright red letters, over and over.

Dib's eyes widened. "Fuck! We've gotta go, Zim. Now!"

Both flinched as a loud sound, like screaming metal, rang out over the sound of the alarm. Dib jumped up, grabbing his trench coat as he went. Zim leaped off the bed, beating Dib to and out the door.

In the living room, Professor Membrane's floating screen was going in circles, yelling in Membrane's voice about the security breach. Zim made to dart in that direction, out the front door, but Dib grabbed his arm. "No! Lab!"

As they ran in that direction, through the kitchen, glass shattered in the living room, followed by a thump, then whatever it was _was in the house_. Dib shoved Zim into the lab; he caught only a glimpse of an ovalish, shiny body and four long PAK leglike legs before he slammed the lab's security door shut. He frantically latched every lock on it, but that _thing_ had torn through one of the strongest titanium alloys on Earth like it was little more than paper; they weren't safe, not by a long shot. "Zim! Door, to the right, behind the examination table. Get it open!"

Zim darted off. Dib snatched up a beaker of acid from the chemical shelf behind him, holding it tightly, watching the door, poised to throw at the first sign of the thing as he edged back, toward where Zim had gone.

"Zim? What's taking so long?"

"Dib," Zim yelped back. "The door-portal requires a code!"

Dib swore again, dashing around the examination table, hurrying toward the door and Zim. Zim saw the acid as the boy rounded the corner and squeaked, skiddering away. When he was a safe distance back, Dib smashed the beaker on the door's keypad. Another alarm bell joined the din, and the emergency door popped free of its lock. Dib wrenched it open, yelling "Go go go!" to Zim. Dib heard the shriek of metal tearing as he ducked out after the alien, slamming the door shut behind them.

The boys ran, as fast as their legs could carry them, across Dib's lawn and into the street beyond, the shriek of alarms chasing after them.

They were about a block and a half down when Zim panted, "Is that THING following us?" Dib risked a glance over his shoulder.

"N-no, I don't think so..." The words had barely left his mouth when he saw an omnious glint of metal come around his neighbor's house. "Yes! Zim, hurry up-!"

Zim did the exact opposite. He skidded to a stop so fast Dib almost ran into him. "Zim, wha-?" Two large men in labcoats similar to Scattermoon's jumpsuit had stepped out onto the roadway, blocking their way forward. On their outstretched wrists perched silvery guns similar to Scattermoon's. Guns that were both pointed at them.

"Z-Zim..." Dib grabbed the alien's trembling hand. "Tell me you have some sort of weapon in your PAK..."

Zim didn't say anything back, just squeezed his hand in a death grip. Dib took it as a no. "Fuck."

Suddenly-_whoosh_. The alarms suddenly ceased. Completely forgetting the bizarre alien gun currently pointed at his chest, Dib turned around. "Holy-!"

His house was on fire. The part of the roof over his father's lab had collapsed into the fire, which was steadily eating at the rest of the house. Dib stared in shock, mesmerized, like a field mouse before a cobra. Apparently, this was an unexpected event for the two hulks in front of them too, because their gazes were no longer on their targets but on the burning building.

Zim noticed, and yanked hard on the Dib's hand. "Come ON Dib-human!"

"B-but! Th-that's _my_ house, Zim!"

"Do you want to lose your life too, Dib-stupid?"

Dib let the smaller alien drag him away, over a neighboring fence and out of sight, of both the goons and the burning house. They kept running, through more yards and over more fences, though they saw neither hide nor hair of their pursuers again.

**A/N: Omg, chapter 8! Filled with extended make out sessions and explodey mayhem! I lurrrve rabid plot bunnies! They turn boring romance stories into...well, this :D**

**Usual disclaimer: Zim, Dib, and Invader Zim all belong to Jhonen Vasquez, not meh.**


	9. Personal Business

**A/N: Warning! After this chapter, my updates will be slower, because I've started school again *sigh*. Please be patient, k? I promise I won't be abandoning this story anytime soon! :)**

**Ch.9: Personal Business**

A few blocks later, and Zim's base came into sight. Zim picked up his pace, practically dragging Dib along behind him. Up the sidewalk, through the gap in the gate, all the way up to the purple front door. The lawn gnomes didn't even spare Dib a glance.

When they got inside, they slammed the door shut behind them, and leaned up against it shakily, together.

"Mastah! Big-head boy!" squeed a familiar voice.

Dib lifted his head, using a neck that somehow felt both boneless and full of iron. "GIR...?"

The little SIR unit tottered rather drunkenly into the room from the kitchen, no disguise on. He looked a bit scratched in some places, and dirty, but otherwise none the worse for wear.

"But I thought...?" The boy vividly remembered seeing a green GIR-like blur hitting Scattermoon in the park, to give him enough time to get away with Zim...

GIR remembered, too. "Scary lady was _mad_!" the little robot informed him cheerfully. "She tore mah head off! Like dis!" He grabbed both sides of his head and _pulled it off_. Snakelike metal circuits instantly came up out of the little robot's sparking neck, to grab the bottom of the head and pull it firmly back down on his shoulders.

Cyan eyes lit up, blinking confusedly for a minute. "Daww, Big-head boy's hand is brokin!" the little robot chirped, pointing at Dib's right hand.

Numbly, Dib looked at it. GIR was right; a deep gash, probably from him smashing the beaker on the keypad, marred the skin of his palm, welling blood as he unclenched it. He still didn't feel pain though, even though it looked like it should hurt...He supposed he should feel lucky that it was just the glass that had got him and not the acid...

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Zim abruptly grabbed the hand and pulled it toward himself for inspection. He'd completely forgotten that the Irken was there, standing right beside him...

If Zim had had a hyuuman nose, it would have wrinkled in disgust at the icky red fluid currently leaking out of the cut. "GIR! Bring me the medkit!"

GIR snapped off a salute, turning red for a brief second before tottering off in search of the requested object. Zim turned smartly on his heel and made for the couch, pulling the Dib along with him. Dib stumbled along behind, too numb still to protest.

They sat, Zim still holding Dib's hand. He held it up closer to his face, poking curiously at the bright red fluid with a gloved finger. He made a face. "Dis-gusting hyuuman..._stuff_," he hissed, but still didn't let go of Dib's hand.

Dib laughed at that, but it was short and hollow. "It's called blood, Zim."

Zim snorted, waving a hand at him dismissively. GIR tottered back into the room then, carrying a white box with a strange pink Irken symbol on it. Zim snatched it from the little robot, betraying his previously well-hidden disquiet. Once upon a time, he would have liked seeing the red fluid leaking from the human, but not now. Not now, for reasons the stubborn alien wouldn't let himself recognize, nor even _think _about. Weak, _hyuuman-y _reasons...

Laying the hand carefully, palm up, on his leg, Zim opened the kit and set to work, studiously ignoring the owner of the hand-which was currently sitting on his thigh, invading the superior Invader's personal space...

Dib didn't feel much pain from the wound-until Zim started messing with it, with what looked like a cotton swab dipped in a clear liquid from a purple bottle. Then it stung like all hell.

"Ow!" the hyuuman yelped, instinctively attempting to yank his hand back, away from the stinging assault.

The alien tightened his grip in response, pulling the hand back into his lap. "Stay _still_, Dib-wiggle!" he growled.

"It _hurts_! Are you trying to _dissect _it or something?"

Ruby eyes flickered up at him for the first time since they had come in. "Do not tempt the almighty Zim, Dib-smell."

Dib's heart jumped, but there was no real bite to the grumbled words. In fact, it was the closest thing to teasing he had ever heard out of the Irken, past _or _present.

Teasing, apparently, was a dangerous word for Dib, because it reminded him, somehow, of what had happened in his room, right before everything went to hell...and what else _could_ have happened...Dib's mind backpedalled quickly from those dangerous and disturbing thoughts, heat rushing to his face in a blush.

"Dib-thing," Zim spoke up after a short, slightly awkward pause. Dib looked at him automatically, though the blush hadn't completely faded from his face. Was it just his imagination, or did Zim have the slightest tinge of blue around his cheeks, too? "Yeah, space boy?"

"Zim is curious..." the alien paused, not speaking again until he finished tying off the white gauze from the kit on the back of his hand. "What was the Dib-stink working on with his inferior Earth technology, before...?"

That was all Dib needed. All the numbness and embarassment vanished in that instant, his mind clicking back into focus. He actually smiled. "Zim, I need your computer."

The alien stared at him incredulously. "Dib-stink, use _ZIM'S _computer?"

"It's important! You_ do _want to help me get rid of Scattermoon so you can go back to your merry attempts to conquer Earth, right?"

Little did the hyuuman know, Zim's 'merry' attempt (singular, because he was ZIM, and ZIM would need only _one _attempt this time.) was still rolling right along nicely. But still...Zim's manual computer access was nestled deep inside the heart of the base; the hyuman would see _everything_...

The hand on his lap flipped over, catching Zim's gloved fingers. "_Please_, Zim. You can even stand and watch, if you want."

That was a huge concession, they both knew; Dib's plans would be laid bare to the alien. And not only that, but the Dib absolutely _hated _people watching him work, especially small obnoxious green aliens.

"_Fine_," said alien finally growled. He poked the end of Dib's nose with a clawed finger. "But Zim will be watching youuuu-"

Dib jumped up happily, interrupting the alien. "Good! GIR, will you show me to the computer...?"

The little robot looked to his master for confirmation. When the annoyed alien gestured his consent, he squeed. "YAY! C'mon, Dibbeh!" The little SIR unit grabbed the boy's uninjured hand and dragged him into the kitchen. Zim followed primly behind.

Dib watched, fascinated, as GIR tapped something on the left side of the fridge. The 'fridge' then opened, to reveal a white square elevator large enough to accomodate Dib's much taller form. But Dib wasn't allowed to gape for long; the second its doors opened, GIR happily dragged him inside, chattering on about nonsense.

Just before the doors slid shut again, Dib caught sight of Zim, smirking and waving at him. "Wha...?"

"We go down!" GIR squeed. Then there was an omnious click, and the elevator _plummeted_, in complete freefall. Dib cried out, squeezing his eyes shut-

Less than five minutes into the hellish ride, the elevator slowed, and gently stopped, the doors opening again with a small ding and a pressurized hiss.

GIR squealed, skipping crazily into the giant, dimly lit room beyond. Dib groaned, following shakily after. "Fuck..."

Zim, of course, was already in the room, standing next to the monsterous hulk that was the computer terminal and the equally large chair-like thing in front of it. He smirked as Dib approached on unsteady legs, vindictive nature satisfied by the boy's discomfort.

Dib glared back at him. "You could have had the decency to warn me."

Zim didn't bother to answer, just smirked wider and gestured to the 'chair'. Dib sat in it gingerly, wary of more tricks, but there weren't any. The chair, though kind of ridged with a hole in the back (for a PAK to rest comfortably) was easily the most comfortable piece of furniture he'd ever sat on in his life.

He quickly forgot that though as he viewed the massive keyboard in front of him. "Whoa."

"Computer!" Zim growled. "Authorize access for the Dib-human."

"All _right_," grumbled the computer from somewhere above. Dib froze as a red light, similar to a barcode scanner but much larger, swept down his body, from the top of his head to the soles of his boots.

"Access granted," the computer muttered. The terminal in front of Dib clicked to life, the Irken characters automatically transforming themselves into English, both on the keyboard and on the screen itself.

Dib's inner tech geek went nuts over that, but Dib surpressed the urge to squeal, refocusing instead on the task at hand as he set his fingers to the keys.

Zim watched the long fingers fly over the keyboard expertly, honestly curious now in spite of himself. "What exactly _are _you doing, Dib-stink?"

Dib actually cracked a smile, an uncharacteristically wicked one that did weird but not entirely unpleasant things to Zim's spooch. "I'm making a virus. A computer virus. See, I tried to do this to your systems when I was a kid, but it never worked 'cause your computer is semi-sentient. It was able to find it and squish it, well, like a bug."

"Hey, I resent that," the computer groused.

"Shut up," the alien snapped. "Continue, Dib-stink."

Dib rambled on, having barely heard the exchange. "It'll work this time, though, because Scattermoon uses a computer with _human-made _technology. _And_ I have a supercomputer to make it with."

"Pitful _hyuuman _technology," Zim purred, leaning against the side of the chair, near Dib's shoulder. "What will this 'virus' do? Make the Scattermoon-thing's head EXPLODE?"

"For the moment, it won't do anything."

Zim gave the back of the boy's head an incredulous look. "Zim fails to see the Dib-inferior's point."

Dib's smirk widened. "You will. Go put on your disguise. I'm going to call up the rest of the Network."

Zim's expression slid from incredulous to dubious, but he reluctantly did as he was told, anyway.

When he came back, Dib was talking to three shadowy figures on the computer's giant screen. "There's another hostile alien on Earth. It's already tried to kill me once. I can prove it."

Small sounds of disbelief came from two of the figures, but the one on the far right of the screen said, "Show us your proof, Agent Mothman."

"Thank you, Agent Darkbooty." Away went Dib's fingers over the keyboard again, like two pale white Earth birds.

"Gentlemen, I give you..._Agent Scattermoon, alien!_"

Another, larger screen came up...Empty. The screen showed a dark lab, completely deserted. Dib gaped in shock as the others made sounds of disgust.

"Not again...Goodbye, Agent Mothman," growled one, as two screens disappeared. Dib's gaze flickered desperately to the one still remaining. "Agent Darkbooty!" The NASA janitor had believed him about Zim, when the alien had hijacked Mars and tried to squish the Earth with it; sure he could..."You gotta believe me! Scattermoon's an alien! She tried to kill me! She set fire to my house!"

But it was like he was ten years old again, ranting without solid proof about Zim's schemes to take over the Earth. Dib couldn't see Darkbooty's expression, but from his narrowed red eyes, Dib could tell it was full of disgust, too. "Dib," the man's voice was heavy with disappointment. "Agent Mothman. I though you had outgrown this crazy ridiculousness. I guess I was wrong."

"But, Agent Darkbooty-!"

"Goodbye, Agent Mothman." Darkbooty's screen then disappeared, too. Dib's heart sank, down through his stomach and his legs, to leak out into a blood red puddle around his feet and the base of the chair. Earlier's numbness came back full force, enveloping his mind and filling the hole. Detached, Dib watched his uninjured hand reach out and turn off the program. Then he stood up, and quietly walked back towards the elevator.

Zim watched him go, spooch tightening at the familiar slumped shoulders, bowed head and dragging feet. "Dib..." he found himself saying out loud, his own feet unsticking from the floor so he could follow after.

But by the time he caught up, the Dib had already entered the elevator. By the time it came back down and brought Zim back up, the Dib was already slumped on the couch, head in his hands.

As Zim approached quietly, a soft noise, almost like a sob, came out of the huddled boy.

If ever called on it, Zim would swear what happened next was a direct result of all the icky hyuuman chemicals that had been injected into him lately. Because there was no way that the almighty ZIM in his right mind would crawl up onto his own couch and push his head between a smelly human worm-baby's arms, to nuzzle against said worm baby's thin, delicious-smelling chest. No way. And he _certainly _wouldn't _hum_, a soft, almost inaudible note used to calm disobedient smeets, just to comfort him. Oh _no_...

The Dib's breathing hitched once, then evened a little, arms wrapping wordlessly around the smaller alien's body, holding him close. Zim made a face at the mild sting of a damp cheek pressing against his head, but didn't pull away. He nuzzled closer to the scent, his hands grabbing fistfuls of the blue shirt beneath his head as his own humming and the warmth and smell of the Dib slowly lulled him to sleep...

**A/N: Dawww! Chapter 9, the most squee-worthy chapter yet, IMHO. They might be mildly ooc, I think. But oh well *shrug*. Usual disclaimer: characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, not meh.  
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	10. Secrets

**A/N: O.o Ten chapters! Holy crap! I think this is my longest fanfic yet! Hope you guys like it so far. **

**Chapter 10: Secrets**

When Zim woke up, it was to the grating sound of the t.v., and GIR. Zim made a face, antennae flattening tighter to his scalp in annoyance as he nuzzled closer to the warmth and the sound of the Dib's heart organ.

Far from being annoyed by that particular noise, Zim found that he rather liked it. The steady, rhythmic beats reminded him a lot of the pulsing of the Massive's engines, as heard far belowdecks, in the smeetery...

"Zim." Zim could actually feel the vibration of the human's voice through his chest. While not entirely unpleasant, it was jarring compared to the calm, steady beats of the heart organ. Zim pulled another face, pulling away to toss a halfhearted glare up at the human. "What, Dib-noise?"

Dib wasn't looking at him. He was looking at the television screen, amber eyes red-rimmed. "They think I did it. They think I went nuts and torched my own house."

"_What_?" Zim's head whipped around to glare at the t.v. "Fools! Did they not find evidence of that...THING that tried to destroy the Dib and Zim?"

Dib snorted. "Conveniently, no. And if they did, they probably think that's how I got out, since they didn't find my body in the wreckage. Just like the bitch planned, I bet."

Zim hissed something very censor-worthy in Irken, shaking his gloved fist in outrage at the screen. He didn't react when Dib touched his shoulder. "Calm down, Zim. Getting pissed and overreacting is what got us into this mess in the first place."

When that didn't work, Dib lifted his hand, running the pads of his fingers and thumb down one of the alien's slightly arched antennae. Zim's body instantly went slack as the lethargic pleasure washed over him. Ruby orbs going half-lidded, he forgot why he was shaking his fist at and cursing the stoopid hyuuman device and instead turned away from it, burying his head into his newly claimed pillow-Dib's chest.

He was completely content with that, until- "Dawww! Mastah's cuute!"

His eyes snapped open at the sound of his robot slave's singsong voice. Hissing again, he pushed roughly away from Dib, slapping the hand on his antenna away as he scooted to the other end of the couch.

"Zim is NOT cute!" he growled, throwing his most ferocious glare yet at the little robot-which went entirely ignored as GIR squeed, hugging his rubber piggy. Dib smiled to himself at the exchange, but the smile was brief, fading into a harder look as he looked back at the t.v. screen.

He blew out a gusty sigh, thunking his head onto the back of the couch. "I'm all out of ideas now, Zim. My one trump card got us nowhere. If a bunch of the most paranoid freaks on the planet didn't believe me, no one will..."

Zim looked back at the lounging human, and scoffed. "Stupid Dib and his inferior _hyuuman _methods."

Dib turned his head to look at the alien, eyes narrowing in a halfhearted glare. "Well then what do _you _suggest, _almighty Zim_?"

The boy's voice dripped with sarcasm on the title and Zim's name, but the alien let it slide-for just this once. He grinned, baring wicked zipped teeth. "Irken methods. Elimination. Annihilation. Extermination. DOOOM!" Zim threw his hands up in a mock explosion, erupting into vicious, spine-tingling cackling.

Dib stared at the Irken's face, gears clicking, grinding, but not quite catching. "And how are we supposed to do that?"

"Rain bombs of DOOM down upon the Scattermoon-thing's filthy HEAD!" the alien gasped in response, mid-cackle, hugging himself with pure malevolent glee.

"I meant _realistically_, space boy." Dib sighed, rubbing his temples, trying to push through the fog of hopelessness and despair that had taken up residence in his (normal sized!) head upon seeing the remains of his home on t.v...

"Information." The word didn't come from him or Zim but from above, from Zim's computer.

Dib blinked in confusion for a minute, but then it all clicked into place, sending the previously struggling gears in his head to spinning wildly, in a way they hadn't done in far too long. "_Oh_," he breathed. "Computer, that's _genius_."

"Well I _am _a supercomputer," the computer replied smugly.

Zim stopped laughing, looking at the boy with one nonexistent brow arched. "Whut's genius? Tell Zim!"

"The virus! I can modify it and use it to hack into Scattermoon's private files! I can find out _everything_, even where she is now!" Dib laughed himself, punching the air. "Computer, you're genius!"

"HEY. Zim helped!" Zim growled, pouting unconsciously at the now gleeful Dib.

"You're genius too, Zim." And the boy further surprised Zim by grabbing either side of his head and pressing a happy kiss to his forehead. Before the smaller alien could react, Dib let go of him and bounced off the couch, bounding toward the kitchen with a victorious whoop. GIR ran after, piggy held high, echoing the noise though he had no idea what was going on. He was just happy because his friend Mary was happy again.

After a long while, Zim got bored of t.v., and curious as to what was taking the Dib so long down in the lab. Curious, not paranoid. He was still too relaxed from earlier's antenna petting to bother with wondering why his PAK was bothering to make that distinction. A few more long, drawn out minutes later, and the small alien mustered up the motivation to act on his curiosity.

Deep in the base, Dib sat at the computer terminal, but he wasn't typing away at the keyboard; he was watching the screen, a disguised GIR snoozing peacfully at his feet. Zim approached silently, gaze fixed on Dib's determined, purposeful face.

"Dib-stink, what'er you doing...?"

A slight flick of amber flickered at Zim as he drew level. "Waiting for little Virus 2.0 to munch through Scattermoon's defenses. Apparently there's some weird human-alien hybrid software protecting the really sensitive, important files. It's going to take some time."

Zim hmphed his acknowledgement, crossing his arms, hip pressing unconsciously into the side of the chair near Dib as he watched the red progress bar on the screen slowly fill with green.

A few minutes into the long, almost comfortable silence, Dib mumbled, "erm...Zim...?"

Zim's antenna twitched at the sound of his name, his head turning to look at the boy. "Yes?"

"Um...What were you going to ask me, before the ah, the you know...?"

Zim's nonexistent brow lifted slightly in confusion, but then it clicked. _Oh_. It was all going according to (belated) plan, but Zim hardly felt devious or manipulative anymore as he quietly pulled the worn photograph out of his back pocket and held it up to the bright glow from the screen.

Dib looked at it curiously, the blood draining from his face as he recognized it. "W-where did you get that?"

Zim stared directly into Dib's face and said softly, but just as directly: "Did you miss Zim while he was gone?"

Dib's near-vulnerable expression hardened instantly, his head turning away to watch the computer screen again. "It doesn't matter whether I did or not. The past is past. We've got much bigger problems to worry about right now."

Something tightened hard on Zim's spooch at Dib's harsh tone, but he couldn't, _wouldn't _let this go. He _had _to know. "Did you miss me, Dib-human?"

"NO!" the boy spat, shooting the alien a devastating glare. "Now go away. I'm trying to work."

Anger, at the boy's stubborn refusal to admit the truth, at him trying to boss ZIM around IN HIS OWN BASE rose up, hot and thick, releasing the guilty clenching on his spooch. He grabbed the back of the chair, whipping it around. As Dib yelped in surprise, he hopped up on the seat, planting himself in Dib's lap like before. He grabbed the front of Dib's shirt, claws digging through the thin fabric, into the warm flesh beneath that he had so happily cuddled against just moments ago. "LIES Dib-liar! You missed ZIM, and locked away all your paranormal thingamajoo. Zim wants to know why, now!" he growled, forehead thunking against Dib's in a mini head butt so he could glare directly into Dib's eyes.

For a second, Dib fumed, glowering back, looking like he was about to snap something along the lines of 'fuck you!' at the alien-but then he seemed to deflate a bit, avoiding Zim's gaze, which was hard, since the smaller alien's face so close.

"The fuck was I supposed to do, Zim?" he burst out, growling, with a whine underneath. "You disappeared without a trace, just up and left, leaving me here with 'groundless' proof as usual, and looking crazier than ever. Besides needing to do something to keep from being institutionalized _again_...I didn't want to do it anymore, after-after you...It's hard to chase after fantastical things like big feets and lake monsters after you've traded blows with the real thing." By the end of the outburst, the boy was almost whispering, and was looking more sick, sad and kicked-puppylike than he had when Darkbooty had called him crazy.

Zim pulled his head back a little, ruby eyes drifting down to guiltily look at his claws, which had loosened on the Dib's shirt. "So...so you _did _miss Zim?" The anger had leaked out of Zim's voice too, leaving it timid and questioning.

Dib's eyes snapped back up to Zim's face in another glare, this one more hurt than angry. "Yeah, Zim. Yeah I did. Happy now? You can yell and make fun of me all you want now. I've given you some pretty good ammunition."

Zim's antennae flattened tight to his skull, and he flinched unconsciously at Dib's bitter tone. It was true-and absolutely ridiculous. And yet, so was what came tumbling out of Zim's mouth, completely without his permission.

"Zim missed the Dib-monster too." Horror at what he'd just said crawled around inside of Zim's chest like a live monster, threatening to eat his own equivalent of a heart organ. But it was like his PAK's speech inhibitor was offline; he couldn't seem to stop. The words just kept coming out like some sort of icky word vomit.

"The Tallest needed Zim back on Irk, b-but not as an Invader." Dib's eyes, which had already gone wide, went even wider at that. "They needed Zim as a m-mechanic, a lowly mechanic far behind the front lines-"

"And that's why you came back," Dib murmured. "to prove yourself as an Invader to them."

Zim's shoulders drooped at Dib's weird tone, but he nodded. Didn't he know how _humiliating _that was? To work like a common drone while his fellow invaders led the charge? Dib gave a soft, strange little laugh, rubbing at his face. "Fucked up thing is, I pity you for that."

Zim's head bowed forward, claws clenching and unclenching. "Don't pity Zim." It was meant to be a growled warning, but all it came out as was low and sad.

Dib sighed, thunking his head back on Zim's. "That's not what I meant, Zim."

Zim's eyes narrowed. "Then what _did _you mean, Dib-eloquent?"

Dib-eloquent. That was a new one. "Better question: what did _you _mean?" Dib countered.

A green brow lifted. "Whut?"

Dib smirked. "You said you missed me."

Zim groaned. "Ugh. Forget Zim's word vomit, hyuuman. Erase it from your overly larger noggin-y...headspace...thing..."

"Hey Zim?"

"Whut?"

"Shut up."

This time it was Dib who bridged the gap between them, pressing his mouth to Zim's as the alien opened his mouth to snap back. As Dib's tongue carefully slid into Zim's mouth to wrap around the serpentine tongue, he pulled the alien closer, one arm wrapping around the smaller body while the other caught and stroked along an antenna, from base to tip. Zim hummed as he relaxed, the noise and closeness a comfort to them both, though both would rather jump in vats of acid than admit to it.

The kissing didn't last long, though. Dib's antenna strokes, surer now, were making Zim sleepy, especially when Dib's fingers stretched out, to touch both at the same time.

Zim's humming turned to purring, arms wrapping around Dib's neck, leaning heavily on the boy until they both needed air. Then Zim pulled away, tucking his head underneath Dib's chin, nuzzling into his new pillow. He felt Dib laugh softly, the mellow noise fading out as Zim dozed, Dib's smell and the steady beat of the heart organ filling his head with a pleasant warmth...

Dib kept twirling the end of Zim's antenna even when he was sure the smaller alien had dozed off, stroking softly. Zim shivered, a small hiccup interrupting the steady purr, but only for a second. Dib found himself smiling in spite of himself, dropping a small kiss on the green scalp. He had no idea that Zim could actually be cute, but here he was, holding on to and cuddling up against Dib like an obnoxious green cat. An adorable obnoxious green cat...

He was looking down at Zim, when a soft ding from the computer made him look up. His smile widened.

He shook Zim gently, letting go of the scaly antenna.

"Mmph. Whut?"

"Wake up, Zim. Virus 2.0 is in."

**A/N: Daww cuddly Zim! *hugs* Anyway, the next chapter is where things really get interesting, so stay tuned! Oh and comment, if you want :).**


	11. Spy Games

**Chapter 11: Spy Games**

Zim sat up a bit groggily, pivoting in Dib's lap to face the screen. He peered grumpily up at it. "Your point, Dib-smell?"

Dib grinned, long fingers wrapping around Zim's small waist, shifting the smaller alien on his lap a bit so he could get a better look at the screen. "Let's see..."

One of Dib's hands moved from Zim's waist to tap at several keys on the keyboard. "...PROCESSING..." the computer intoned from above in response. After a short pause, images began to flicker across the screen.

Some were completely useless-documents in a strange language neither of them could read. But then, things that looked suspiciously like blueprints started showing up.

Dib's grin instantly slipped and he sat up completely, nearly dislodging Zim. "Computer, go back to that."

The computer sighed, but complied. Dib gasped. "That's...Those are..."

Zim blinked up at the hyuman in annoyance before looking back up at the blue that now filled the computer screen. "What, Dib-wiggle? What's so important about this? It all looks like random white...squiggly things to Zim."

Dib leaned up, tapping through the progression of images manually. "They're blueprints, Zim. Blueprints for a building. A base. A_lab_."

At that Zim perked up, eyes narrowing, claws digging into the Dib's thighs beneath him. Another alien base, on HIS planet, WITHOUT his permission and without his knowing? Unacceptable!

"Computer!" he barked. "Scan the hyuuman interwebs for a filthy structure with this design!"

Dib blinked, surprised by the intelligent command. "That's...actually a really good idea, Zim."

"Of course it is," Zim sniffed, leaning back against Dib's chest petulantly, arms crossing, shifting a bit so his PAK fit underneath one of Dib's arms, his shoulders flush against the human's warmth.

Dib let him, adjusting his grip accordingly, one arm unconsciously looping loosely around Zim's waist as he watched the slightly smaller secondary screen run the search.

The search took a lot less time than Dib anticipated. Only ten minutes passed before the computer announced, rather smugly: "Only one structure within the immediate vicinity of this base fits these perimeters: the Virchurion Institiute."

"Virchurion Institute...Computer, pull up all information on it, from the Internet and Scattermoon's files." Dib said.

The main screen went dark for a second, then brightened agai, flickering through the results slow enough for Dib to read.

Yes, Virchurion was a lab, but a far more private, commercial one than Dib's father Professor Membrane's; Virchurion dealt with simple chemicals. No weapons, no trying to better or save (or destroy) the world. Just a simple manufacturer of known chemicals, mostly for pharmasutical purposes.

It just didn't make any sense. Why go though all the trouble to build a very elaborate setup just to sit on her ass and make some harmless chemicals? And what about that...metal creature that attacked them in his house? Or those weird gun things? There was nothing at all about them in Scattermoon's files, connected to Virchurion or otherwise. The hairs on the back of Dib's neck prickled, the hair that made up his scythe lock trembling with dread.

He needed eyes in that place.

"Computer, does Virus 2.0 have the capabilities to hack into Virchurion's security feeds?"

"As partly _my _creation, of course," the computer drawled. "But that won't be necessary."

Huh? "Why not?"

"Because, the owner of the hacked computer is accessing the security mainframe right now."

"Piggyback?"

"Possibly. But there is a very limited window of time for it."

Dib swore, shifting Zim off his lap to free his hands, instantly missing the warmth of the alien but not focusing on it, setting his fingers to flying across the keyboard once again instead.

Zim did not particularly like this turn of events, but for once he stayed silent, watching Dib work from the side with barely concealed fascination and confusion. What did piggies and backs have to do with the enemy base's security system? Zim didn't know, but he was too mesmerized by the almost hypnotic dance of slim white fingers over his keyboard to think to ask.

"Annnd..." The boy seemed to hold his breath for a minute, before exhaling the words "We're in."

The Dib's eyes then widened in shock. "Zim," he breathed. Scattermoon had not only unwittingly given him access to the security feeds, but pretty much everything else as well. The chemical vats, _everything_. The keys to Scattermoon's kingdom were in his hands, and the bitch was none the wiser.

Zim tore his eyes away from the now stilled fingers, looking up at the boy, confused at the shock he saw there. "What, Dib-stupid?"

"Zim, I'm in Virchurion's computer mainframe," Dib said softly, wonder replacing shock as he realized something else. "I could mess with the really sensitive chemical vats from here and blow the place sky high if I wanted..." It would certainly show the bitch just who she decided to fuck with...

Zim cracked a malevolent grin. Now explosions were definitely something he understood. "Do it!" he commanded.

When Dib didn't move, Zim jumped back up on the chair and Dib's lap. He leaned over, a clawed finger extending out to stab the button that would execute the command...

"NO!" Zim jerked in surprise as his wrist was grabbed, his hand yanked away from the keyboard.

He quickly recovered. "WHAT is the meaning of this, Dib-filth?" He snarled, shouting though the human was just inches from him.

"It may be run by Scattermoon, but that's still a HUMAN facility, Zim!" the boy growled right back. "There might be innocent people in there who will get hurt and probably killed if we do this now! We have to make sure there isn't first."

Zim stared at the hyuman incredulously. "Are. You. _Serious_?" he hissed. They had the power to wipe the Scattermoon-thing's filthy base off the face of the Earth RIGHT NOW, yet the Dib refused to do it because there might be other 'innocent' hyumans in there. Hyuumans who probably wouldn't even like or care for the Dib at all in return if they ever met him.

Zim's eyes searched Dib's face when he didn't get a verbal response. From the set to his jaw and the look in those bright amber eyes, he certainly _was_ serious. "HAVE YOU THE BRAIN WORMS?" Zim shrieked, hitting the Dib's forehead with a gloved palm. It wasn't a nice, light hit; Zim's palm made a loud smacking noise when it struck the white flesh. But Dib stood his ground.

"I have to see, Zim," he growled. "You can stay here if you want, but I'm going." He pushed the alien off his lap again-though not as gently as before-and stood up. "Computer, can you download the information about the Virchurion Institute's employee uniform and send it to Zim's disguise machine?"

"Smeet's play," the computer yawned. Dib took that as a yes.

Zim growled, a low noise that was more of frustration than of threat. The Dib-stupid could be so...so UGH sometimes. But he didn't stay where he was; he marched after the Dib-stink, back soldier straight, antennae slicked back in displeasure, a scowl firmly imprinted on his face.

"This way," he barked when Dib slowed, realizing that he didn't actually _know _where Zim's disguise machine was housed. Dib rolled his eyes at the alien, but wisely kept his mouth shut, shoving his hands into his coat pockets on reflex as he followed after the Irken.

The machine sat unobtrusively in the far corner of the room, a corner so underused it was already beginning to collect dust. Zim eyed the floor distastefully, giving a small shudder of revulsion at the tiny, almost invisible puffs of icky germy dust left in the wake of the Dib's hesitant steps as he approached the mass of machinery.

The thing hummed to life at its master and Dib's approach, a virtually see through holographic screen presenting itself to Dib, who was closest. A picture of Zim's old 'disguise' was on it. Pointedly ignoring Zim's heavy, irritated ruby stare on his back, Dib flickered through the various disguises until he found the one he was looking for. Shooting a wary glance up at the softly humming alien machine, he lightly tapped the image, figuring it worked like a touchscreen computer. He stiffened as the screen retracted, the humming upping an omnious notch, but Dib stood his ground, determined not to give Zim a reason to gloat by looking scared or intimidated by a simple alien disguise machine.

Then, without further warning, two halves of an egg-shaped pod clamped together, trapping Dib in the middle. Dib braced himself, clenching his eyes shut-

But the ordeal was over almost as soon as it began. Dib felt a strange tingle run all over his skin, from the top of his scythe lock to the bottom of his feet, a brief feeling of heat, then the two pod halves retracted, leaving him standing in open air once more.

The uniform consisted of a white and gunmetal gray jumpsuit (similar to Scattermoon's but not as detailed), white gloves and boots, and a motorcycle helmetlike helmet. Every piece was form-fitting; the helmet cradled his skull, making it feel and slightly heavier than usual; the jumpsuit and gloves flexed around his body like a second skin as he curiously moved his fingers and turned slowly on the spot. He peered through the helmet's tinted visor to see what Zim thought-but the Irken wasn't there.

"Zim...?" Inside the helmet, Dib's voice was muffled and somewhat distorted. Dib pulled it off, looking around for the Irken, apprehension twisting in his guts-

"OW!" Dib yelped, staggering back a little in shock and pain as his nose was pulled-hard.

Dib glared as a familiar cackling filled the air. Zim appeared, wearing what looked like a dark maroonish colored jumpsuit of his own.

"What _is _that?" Dib warily kept a hand on his abused nose as he spoke, eying Zim's new outfit.

"Stealth Doomer," the alien retorted smugly. "Your pitiful idea for a disguise won't work for Zim, so I got this."

Dib smirked, not bothering to hide it behind his hand. "So you're coming then?"

Zim glared up at him. "Yes, Dib-obvious. But not for your pitful HYUMAN work drones. Zim wants to see this disgusting alien base for himself."

Dib rolled his eyes, turning to go. "Whatever, Zim."

A clawed hand grabbed his arm, stopping him and digging into his skin through the thin sleeve of the jumpsuit. He turned back, amber gaze narrowed in annoyance. "What, Zim?"

A cord, roughly bent into the shape of a human ear with a blue bulb at the end, was shoved into his hand. "Put this on."

"What is it?" Dib asked automatically, looking over the small device curiously.

"Just put it on, Dib-curious."

Dib glanced at the impatient Irken, spying a similar device wrapped along the base of one antenna.

"Oh." Dib put the device on his ear, the cold blue ball nestling into the opening of his ear canal.

"Functioning?" Zim asked. Dib shivered, a weird sense of vertigo sweeping over him. With one ear he could hear Zim normally; with the other, he could hear him as if he were whispering directly into his ear.

"Yeah," the boy managed to answer. He could already feel a headache coming on.

Zim's eyes narrowed, the antenna on which the device was wrapped shivering like Dib's body had. He nodded. Message recieved.

Dib nodded back, lightly putting his hand on the claws on his arm briefly before turning to go again. This time he wasn't stopped.

**...**

The Virchurion Institute, though large, was a lot simpler, humbler-looking, and more organized building than Professor Membrane's lab, sitting quietly on the edge of town-the deserted, desolate edge right before town became lonely road.

Dib stared at it curiously. It certainly didn't _look _like a murderous alien she-bitch's base-there were no guards, living or otherwise, around its perimeter, nor even a fence with barbed wire. The plain, whitewashed building looked about as normal and ordinary as a hospital, though the marble sign next to the paved driveway gently pointed out otherwise.

Taking a deep breath, Dib put his helmet back on, pulling his own plain-looking vehicle into the gateless driveway. Since his Lexus had most likely been destroyed along with his home-and since there were too many people still buzzing around the site to check-Zim had sent GIR out to 'comandeer' a suitable one for them. Dib hadn't liked that idea all that much, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and a stolen car beat the hell out of walking. Dib had been amazed that the crazy little robot had managed to deliver it in all one piece-and that it wasn't bubblegum pink, or some other horridly bright color.

No one came out to meet them, or stop them. For Dib, whose experience with sneaking into alien bases had usually started with yelling and ended with him being thrown violently from the premises (until recently, that is) the silence and complete lack of life was eerie.

Shaking off the weird feeling, Dib pulled around to the side of the building, to the helpfully labeled employee parking area...where a _lot _of cars were parked. Dib looked at them as he parked himself, both relieved and daunted.

"All right, Zim. We'll split up once we're in and do some looking, but the humans are top priority. Got it?"

"Yes, yes. Whatever, Dib-stupid," was the growled response. Dib couldn't see him-he has activated his suit the second Virchurion had come into sight-but the boy could picture the dismissive wave and scowl the Irken was no doubt wearing clearly in his head.

Dib sighed, shoving the door of the stolen car open. He instantly got the feeling of being watched. Using only his eyes as he got out, he glanced around as he shut the door.

Yep. Security cameras, all along the side of the building. Dib casually walked toward them and the building's employee entrance. He seriously considered just leaving the invisible alien in there, but the stubborn green idiot would just come out on his own anyway and compromise Dib's cover, so he stopped, and turned back to the passenger side of the car, as if he had forgotten something.

He opened the car door, crouching down a bit as he looked inside the supposedly empty car. He felt one of Zim's claws run along his shoulder, hard, but not hard enough to bunch or otherwise disturb the cloth. Dib barely suppressed a shiver at the ghostly touch.

Once he felt Zim move around him, he stood up quickly, slamming the door shut as he mumbled, "Ass."

Zim didn't answer him, merely poked him sharply in the elbow. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. There's security cameras, in case your almighty self didn't notice."

Casually, wishing his stupid jumpsuit had pockets, Dib strolled back toward the employee entrance, a much smaller door than the main one in front, Zim beside him, occasionally touching his arm to tell his location.

The door was hard to maneuver without looking suspicious, but somehow they managed, Zim slipping in ahead of Dib quickly and silently, without too much of a pause.

Inside, they found themselves on a long, narrow, dull gray landing of sorts. Spaced out in front of them, were two polished steel staircases-one leading farther up, to a distant light Dib assumed was a door, the second, down into dimness.

Zim swiftly tapped Dib's arm, indicating he was taking the stairs leading down. "Okay," Dib said, his voice lowered to barely a whisper. "Be careful."

He didn't really mean to say that; it just sort of slipped out. This place was seriously giving him the creeps, making a hard knot of anxiety twist in his guts. The sooner they got the humans out and blew this place sky high the better.

Again, Zim didn't bother to answer him; Dib felt the air at his side stir a little, marking the alien's movement to the stairs. Taking a deep, reassuring breath, Dib took the other staircase.

It wasn't long till the creepy silence was filled with the low-gray humming of machinery, and the soft thump of many boots on linoleum floors. Soon after, the staircase opened out into a huge whitewalled room-a room large enough to fit Dib's entire house, with room to spare. Giant vats in which the chemicals were being made stood on his left, against the wall. A huge crowd of shuffling workers, all dressed exactly like him, managed the vats, from individual platforms attatched to the rims of the vats, and a long conveyor belt that ran down the middle of the room, carrying finished chemicals down the line for further processing.

Dib stood in the doorway, gaping behind his visor, that creepy feeling crawling up his spine again. Only it wasn't completely dead silence that was bothering him this time; it was something else, something that was wrong with this otherwise normal picture...

In a flash, it hit him: silence. Over the hum of the vats and the conveyor belt there was nothing. No human voices at all. No chitchat, no yelled commands, no jokes, no singing, no humming, or even whistling. The workers went about their work calmly, effeciently, almost mechanically. If it wasn't for the persistent thud of boots, the place might as well have been empty.

Something was very, very wrong here.

It was a mistake to come here. To bring Zim here. A small part of him that was closely tied to primitive animal instincts screamed at him to turn around and leave, to get the fuck out of there before he was noticed, to grab Zim and get as far away as physically possible. He was about to obey, when he spotted the fire alarm, a conspicuous red splotch in a sea of white, on the wall to his right, close by.

Dib shut out the panicking-he wasn't going to leave, not before he did what he came here to do. He darted forward, grabbing the handle of the fire alarm and yanking it down on it as hard as he could. Instantly lights started to flash, the alarm screaming.

The movement instantly stilled behind him. More gazes he could care to count turned to pierce into his very vulnerable back. He forced himself to turn around, yelling as loudly as he could: "All right, everybody out! A fire's broken out in one of the lower floors!"

There was no panicking; the workers remained still, even as the sprinklers kicked on, drenching them all. Then, as one, the helmeted heads cocked weirdly to one side, all at the same time, eyes still boring into Dib. As one again they all lifted their arms, gray guns unfolding from their wrists...

That's when Dib realized his terrible mistake.

**A/N: RUN DIBBEH RUN! D:**

**Told you guys this would be an interesting chapter! Though this is a terrible place to cut it off. My apologies. So, what do you guys think so far? Comments are lurve :)**


	12. Good Evening, Mr Membrane

**Chapter 12: Good evening, Mr. Membrane**

Far below, Zim moved relatively silently down a completely still and empty corridor that was the same dull steel color as the stairs that brought him there. He shivered, as much as because of the creepy silence as the colder temperature, hugging himself with invisible arms, antennae slicked back with discomfort. Stupid inferior hyuuman facility...

Zim had not been walking long, when he felt a noiseless hum fill the air; the farther along he walked, the more he could feel it. He could even feel it vibrating the floor beneath his boots. He reached out to touch the wall as he walked. The rough material seemed to pulse gently beneath the invader's gloved fingers.

Why...Why did this seem so familiar...?

He was just about to access his PAK's internal memory storage to find out, when the Dib's panicked voice filled one antenna, slicing his concentration to bits. "Zim! We've got to get out of here, _now_! There aren't any humans here! The workers, they're all-AH!" Dib's yelp was cut off by a loud, piercing note, a burst of static, then silence.

Zim grabbed the offended antenna in pain, but ignored the instinct to yank the device off and smash it to pieces. Instead when the static cut out, he growled, "Dib! DIB! Answer ZIM! Answer him now!" But there was nothing, nothing in return but silence. The Dib's side of the link was completely dead.

Zim stopped, yanking the device from his antenna. His intention was to throw it away-it was useless to him now-but he stopped to stare at it instead. And for the first time in his selfish, mayhem-filled life, Zim hesitated from his determined want. He glanced over his invisible shoulder, back the way he had come.

The Dib...Zim shook his head, growling at himself. This was the Dib's idea. The stoopid hyuuman could stew in his own dookie for a while.

Zim forced himself to continue forward, squeezing hard and nearly crushing the delicate coil of machinery in his fist. Stupid human. Stupid, stupid human...

He instantly forgot the boy at the sound of movement at the farther, lighter end of the hall ahead of him. He shrank back against the gently pulsing wall to his left. A large hulk of a human-shaped creature wearing a uniform indentical to Dib's came out of a doorway, a much brighter flood of light spilling out behind it briefly. Zim pressed further back against the wall, but the creature turned the opposite way, trudging down the hallway for a short way before disappearing around a curve.

Once Zim was sure it was gone, he moved again, silently, carefully, toward the door. When he reached it, he hissed in frustration. The door was large, made of heavy, riveted steel...and protected by an ID card slip. There was no Dib-human with a convenient flask of acid this time. Zim was entirely on his own.

"UGH! Stupid inferior door-portal!" the alien snarled a little too loudly, kicking the bottom of the door, hard, with a booted foot. He jumped as it shuddered. When it began to open again, he skittered back towards the wall, biting a gloved fist to hold in a yelp. Another helmeted creature identical to the first in dress but much smaller came out. It seemed to pause for a moment, as if listening. The pause was just long enough for Zim to carefully slip past. The alien grinned to himself as the door clicked shut between him and the creature, who was none the wiser. Zim threw up his arms in silent victory. Victory! Victory for ZIIIIM! he screamed triumphantly in his head.

Still grinning his invisible grin, Zim surveyed his new surroundings.

This hall was whitewalled and brightly lit, as well as significantly warmer, with a moist, sticky heat that clung in a disgusting yet familiar way to the exposed bits of Zim's skin. Baring jagged teeth in silent disgust, Zim wiped a gloved fist across his forehead, irritated.

Instantly he was struck with what a human would call 'deja vu'-an extremely rare occurance for someone with a computerized memory. Zim stilled at once, getting the sudden, distinct, but brief sense of being somewhere else, in a different time, in a different but similar place, the same gloved but significantly smaller fist making the same motion...but then it was gone, the memory slipping back into the depths of his PAK's deep memory storage.

Brushing off the weird feeling, and dismissing it as completely irrelevant, Zim continued on down the narrow, oddly lighted hallway.

The further he went, the hotter and stickier the air felt, the pulsing in the walls and floor growing even stronger, the vague, noiseless hum resolving itself into the distant growl of machinery. Not human machinery. Alien machinery, similar in pulse and pitch to...

Forgetting everything else, even the fact that he was invisible in the middle of a hostile alien she-bitch's base, the invader broke into a sprint down the remaining few feet of the hallway, hitting the door at the end full force with both hands.

It must have been unlocked, because it gave way instantly, slamming open to reveal something that made Zim freeze in shock and horror...

**...**

For a terrifying second, Dib stared back at the alien guns like a scythe-haired deer caught in the headlights of an incoming truck. Then the message to run, helpfully delivered by a laser blast nearly clipping his right ear, hit home. He spun around to dart back the way he had come, but he was too slow-a sheet of metal had already come down, blocking the exit. Behind him, on the other side of the room, was another doorway, the only other way out, and it was getting the same treatment. Dib hauled around and sprinted for all he was worth toward the other door, but though it was moving slower than the other, it was still closing too fast-he wasn't going to make it-

But then he had an idea, a desperate, crazy idea born out of watching far too many action movies. Ripping off his helmet, he half threw, half slid the thing along the smooth linoleum, like a bowling ball, toward the closing metal plate...

Just when he thought it wouldn't work, that he was going to be target practice after all, it _did_, catching underneath the thick sheet of metal, creating a gap just wide enough...

Dib threw his lanky form into a desperate, feet-first slide a major leaguer would be proud of, narrowly avoiding a hail of laser fire. Thanks to his skinny frame, he managed to slide underneath the gap with a breath of room to spare, wrenching the helmet with him.

The wall of metal came crashing down, cutting off his pursuers. In the quiet, darkened hall beyond, Dib scrambled away from it, to lean, panting and trembling, against the coolness of the opposite wall.

As his heart slowed back down to a normal pace, he pushed the helmet away from him-it was useless to him now, just a partially crushed, bent piece of junk. Just like he could have been. He shuddered at the thought, pressing his face into gloved hands.

"I'm getting too old for this shit." he mumbled, then smiled weakly at his own lame joke. When he calmed down enough, he pushed himself to his feet, pressing his fingers to his ear, to make sure Zim's device was still there. When he was sure it was, he said, quickly and shakily, "Zim, we've got to get out of here _now_. There aren't any humans here; the workers, they're all-AH!"

He was cut off by a loud, shrill note, shrill note, shrill enough to feel like someone was stabbing his eardrums with tiny knives. He yanked the device off, dropping it to clap his hands over his ears in a vain attempt to block it out. As quickly as it had come, the noise stopped, leaving a painful throbbing and ringing in its wake.

When Dib recovered, he dropped to his knees, gingerly picking up the device. It was useless now; whatever the sound had been, it had shattered the tiny blue ball, leaving the little thing lifeless and dead in Dib's hand. There was no way to contact Zim now, to warn him.

Cursing, Dib pushed himself back to his feet, leaving the little device inside the ruined helmet. He was completely on his own now.

He closed his eyes as he walked, trying to summon to mind what he had seen of the floor plan. While his memory was good-better than that of most kids his age-it wasn't photographic. He opened his eyes, glancing around as he walked. He figure he was in one of the lesser used auxilary hallways; if memory served, the place was full of them.

This one was not a straight shot; the hall seemed to gradually curve to the left, as if this inner part of the institute was oval, rather than rectangular.

The hall was as eeriely empty as the previous staircase; nothing living (save for Dib) or otherwise occupied the narrow space. No boxes of stuff waiting to be moved to its proper place. No long forgotten extra pieces of equipment sitting against the walls collecting dust. There didn't seem to BE any dust, as a matter of fact. The walls and floor were spotless, shiny steel.

Slightly creeped out again-a feeling that was steadily growing with each step he took-Dib absently touched the wall to his left. He jumped, surprised to feel a steady vibration in the metal. He had been walking for long enough now to have gotten away from the vats; another machine was causing this.

More curious now than creeped out or afraid, Dib kept his fingers to the wall, hurrying to follow the mysterious vibration. As he went, the hall forked off occassionally, but he ignored it, intent on following the steadily strengthening vibration and the hall's curve...until he almost ran smack into one of Scattermoon's henchmen.

He froze, hoping for a second that he had somehow been missed. Too late, the not-human-whatever-it-was turned to face him, stiffly, almost military style, wrist lifting...

Dib didn't wait for it to finish aiming; he ducked and bolted around the creature, not following the wall anymore just running in the opposite direction, once again for all he was worth, wishing he had something, anything to defend himself with.

With no metal sheet to block its way, the thing pounded right along after Dib. Lucky for the boy, though, the creature's running aim was shit. The lasers shot to the left of him, over his shoulder, past one of his knees, blackening the shiny metal walls but not harming Dib...until he slowed to skid around a sharp corner. One bolt clipped his left shoulder. The boy cried out, clutching his shoulder, stumbling into the left-hand wall, which _gave way _under the unsuspecting teen's weight.

He landed hard on his injured shoulder, drawing a pained groan. As he scrambled into a sitting position, the opening he fell through sealed itself shut, leaving him in complete darkness-but only for a second. Lights blinked on, casting an orangey-red, rusty tint on everything.

Where Dib had fallen through, there was no door, just a smooth, dull steel colored wall. A shard of icy panic went through Dib, making him forget his pain in favor og jumping up and running his hands on the wall, looking for a pressure switch, anything to make the opening appear again. He didn't find anything. The wall remained as solid and immovable as, well, a wall.

When his panic subsided, he noticed three things. First, the walls seemed to bow outwards, creating an oval shape much like a garlic bulb. Second, the air in here was much hotter and stickier than the air outside. Third, the vibrations he had been following were strongest in here, and accompanied by a loud, low pitched humming growl-like some sort of weird alien machinery.

Once again more curious than afraid, Dib turned around...to a sight that would make any Trekkie piss their pants.

A large workstation and chair that certainly wouldn't have looked out of place on the _Enterprise _sat in the middle of a circular depression in the middle of the floor, surrounded by red tile. To the right of the workstation was a big screen, its surface dark; in front of it was what looked like one long, rectangular window, covered with sheets of metal to block from view whatever it looked out upon. Just like...

"An observation deck?" Dib asked out loud in disbelief.

"Correct." Dib nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden sound of Scattermoon's voice. For a horrifying second, he thought she was in the room with him-then he noticed the big screen again. Scattermoon, in her human disguise, stared back at him calmly.

She looked at him with something close to a smile on her face. "It's just like you to come snooping while I'm away."

"Observation deck?" Dib repeated, as if he hadn't heard her, a hard knot of dread forming in his stomach. "What do you need it for?"

The small almost-smile turned into a smirk. "What, the oh so clever paranormal investigator hasn't figured it out yet? Very well. The answer is better shown than found out, anyway. And since you're already here..."

The last words had barely left her lips, when the sheets of metal at the front of the room began to lift, revealing a clear pane of glass. Mesmerized, the feeling of dread in his guts growing stronger, Dib moved forward, to stand in front of the newly revealed glass. When he reached it, the metal had finished its rise, giving Dib an uninhibited view of what lay beyond.

It was a giant, dull gray machine, whose twisting metal form went all the way to the ceiling far above. Near the lower middle of it, directly in the observation deck's view, was what looked like a giant oval glass tank, standing on one of its ends like some monsterous gem nestled within the twisted guts of the alien machine. The tank wasn't empty; it was little over half full of what looked horribly like-

"Blood, Dib. Human blood. No wonder your race has such horrible nightmares about other creatures taking it from you. It really is a very useful resource, for clever girls like me who know how to manipulate it."

Dib clapped a hand over his mouth as his stomach roiled, threatening to make him throw up. "T-That's beyond sick. Even for an alien." he managed to gasp, unable to tear his eyes away from the horrible machine. He didn't even _want _to know how many humans Scattermoon had bled dry to fill it that full.

"Now you know just how stong my desire to stay alive is." Scattermoon's voice was beyond frigid. Beyond inhuman. _Alien_, in the worst, most terrifying way possible.

Dib tore his eyes away from the awful tank; he was leaning up against the cooler glass in a vain attempt to get his rebelling guts under control, when he saw it. Far below, on the platform circling the base of the machine, was a familiar shape, obviously green despite the sickening reddish glow from the tank. And something else, a horribly familiar glint of metal...

"Zim!" Dib gasped, completely forgetting about Scattermoon, hands thudding helplessly on the glass. It was no use; even if he yelled and banged on the glass with all his might, Zim wouldn't be able to hear him. It was just too far.

Dib's hands doubled into fists, his head thunking hopelessly on the glass. Then something in his peripheral vision caught his eye...

**...**

Zim bared his teeth at the twisted mass of machinery and its tank, a low noise similar to his earlier purring but much more menacing burbling out of his throat as the memory clicked into place at last.

This was Irken technology-technology cannabalized for the purification of human blood ickies, but Irken nonetheless. In its proper state, the Vortian-made machine produced a fluid necessary for a developing smeet to survive and develop outside a birthing drone's body.

How the inferior Scattermoon-creature got its filthy hands on such precious technology, Zim didn't know, but as the Irken approached the ladder access to the platform above, there was only one thought in his head: to destroy it. Everything else paled into insignificance, even the Dib.

A gloved fist tapped the left side of his suit, deactivating it was four spindly PAK legs extended out silently, carrying him up the ladder to the platform twice as quickly as hands and feet could.

The platform was completely deserted. That should have aroused the suspicion of someone antennae-deep in enemy territory, but Zim had eyes only for the glittering control panel on one of the four metal pillars that fed into the top of the machine, far above.

The control panel had no outer security at all, just a glass cover that lifted easily enough, exposing vital circuitry.

On a very primitive level, using obsolete software he had found during the war, Zim's PAK was connected to the house computer. And in a stroke of genius brilliant even for his great mind, he mentally ran through the computer files, until he found what he was looking for: Virus 2.0.

Pulling a smaller, tentacle-like cord out of the bottom of his PAK, he attached it to the bottom of the panel...

The scrape of metal on metal, to Zim's right had him twisting around, PAK legs coming up defensively. There was a threatening glint of silver, then a metal creature indentical to the one that tried to kill them at the Dib's house pulled itself up onto the platform. As Zim's eyes narrowed in contempt at it, green lights on either side of its oval body blinked, then turned bright red. As Zim's jagged teeth bared in a sneer, its glinting back opened up, and two slender arms tipped with wickedly sharp blades came out. They swiveled into an 'attack' position as the creature moved-glided really-forward on its four other legs.

Zim growled defiantly even as he shrank back, his own deadly PAK legs looking like smeet's toys compared to the creature's long, vicious-looking weapons.

What happened next, happened almost too fast for even Zim's inhumanly quick ruby eyes. His antennae registered the faint sound of shattering glass far above, then a white and black blur suddenly barreled into view, slamming into the creature, throwing it shrieking over the side of the platform.

Dib let go of the fire hose, slamming boots first into the metal of the platform. For a brief second, he felt a thrill of victory-he made it, all in one piece!-then his full weight followed his feet at an awkward angle, making him stumble, and just as quickly he found himself teetering dangerously, looking down at the broken body of the silver creature-

A cold PAK leg shot out, hooking around his middle and yanking him back. Dib grabbed onto it instinctively to keep himself from falling back the other way, looking over at its source in surprise.

Zim caught his eye and grinned back in a way that would have made ten year old Dib shudder in horror. It made sixteen year old Dib shiver too-but in an entirely different way. Dib felt his face heat up as he jerked away from the ice-cold metal appendage, standing on his own two feet once more.

Zim behaved as if he didn't notice, putting away all four legs as he disconnected a cord from the control panel. The second he did, a shrill alarm similar to the blast of sound that had taken out Dib's communication device went off, accompanied by bursts of white light far above.

Dib's stomach dropped to join the dead silver creature on the floor below. "What did you _do_, Zim?"

"I did what was necessary, Dib-stink." Zim replied. The coldly proud, almost smug look on the Irken's face was eeriely out of place, but Dib had no time to analyze. The alien blood machine was malfunctioning in the most spectacular way possible, an unseen force tearing it apart from the inside. Cracks were appearing in the celing above, as well as the walls and the machine itself. They had to get out of here, _now_.

He grabbed Zim's gloved hand, dragging the smaller alien along with with him as he ran down a walkway attached to the platform. At its end was a door, a cold silver door that beckoned to the desperate boy like the gates of heaven itself.

They burst through it, heavenly cool, humidity-free air swirling out to meet them. When Dib hesitated, Zim turned right, pulling impatiently on the hand that still held his in a near-death grip. "This way, Dib-lost."

Dib didn't hesitate to take the alien's direction, nor to burst into another run, pure adrenaline fueling his legs. The machine was at the heart of the building; when it and the room it was in collapsed, the rest of the building would follow like a train of dominoes. If they were inside when that happened, they would be dead meat, along with everything else in the place.

They rounded a corner-and almost ran headfirst into a small knot of Scattermoon's lab creatures. Dib froze, heart jumping into his throat, but his fear was unnecessary. The things seemed confused, deadly, life-sized puppets listlessly waiting for an order from a master they could no longer hear or feel. They just stood there, in the middle of the trembling silver hallway hallway, stiff, completely unaware of the danger. As Dib, with Zim right behind, skirted around them, he almost felt sorry for them. Almost.

A short sprint later, and they hit stairs. The shaking was even worse, and as Dib's foot hit the first step, the shriek of tearing metal rang out through the hall, and cracks began to spiderweb across the ceiling.

Dib gave it his all as he climbed the stairs, but though Zim continued to allow Dib to pull him along, he was slowing them down. His shorter legs were not meant to take stairs at the rate Dib's longer ones were taking them.

The stairs shuddered violently, as a deafening rumble echoed up from below, followed by a crash. The cracks in the walls and ceiling deepened, but unlike in the hallway below, they held.

"Zim, we're running out of time. I've got to carry you." But as Dib bent to scoop him up, Zim growled, making a disgusted face.

"Zim is not weak! Zim does not need to be carried like a smeet by YOU, pit-i-ful HYU-man!"

Dib even managed to roll his eyes. "Shut up, Zim." The smaller alien yelped in surprise as he was scooped up anyway, and, after a second, swung up on Dib's back. The Irken clung to the boy's neck for dear life as Dib continued their desperate charge up the stairs, taking them two at a time, barely feeling the weight of the alien on his back. Behind them, the cracks on the ceiling and floor raced along as more and more stress was put on them. Dib forced himself to ignore it and focus instead on his feet and the square of light above, signaling the freedom and safety of the outside.

The square had grown to the size of one of his hands when all hell broke loose.

A siren shrieked somewhere above, along with a female voice whose words were lost to Dib, drowned out by the siren and another crash below. Zim, however, stiffened on his perch on Dib's back.

"What did she say, Zim?" Dib panted. When the alien didn't answer, he yelled, "_What did she say, Zim_?"

"A critical malfunction of all vats in Area 6, Dib-deaf!" Zim yelled back, but there was real fear beneath his usual venom and irritation.

Dib's knees went weak as the implications hit home. _The chemical vats_...He tripped on one of the steps, hitting the next hard with his knees. Before he could recover, there was a sickening crack right above them. Dib cringed, fearing the worst-

Zim sat up, all four PAK legs shooting out to pierce and fling the chunk of ceiling away from them. As Dib stared, three sharp fingers dug into his scalp and yanked hard on his hair.

Zim's voice, several octaves higher than normal, cut through the noise. "Get up, Dib-worthless! Get Zim out of here!"

Dib pushed himself up, and, ignoring his screaming knees, attacked the stairs again, two, sometimes three at a time, Zim now fending off chunks of collapsing ceiling with his PAK legs, until finally, _finally _the square of light resolved itself into a door. Dib slammed through it, then another, into sweet, clean air and sunlight.

Zim jumped off of Dib's back, looking over his shoulder as he did. "Dib!"

Dib twisted around, just in time to see the entire top half of the building collapse into the bottom half-and to see something bloom out of it, almost in slow motion.

"Get down, Zim!" When the froze alien didn't move, Dib shoved him down, throwing his lankier form over Zim's and curling in on himself.

Seconds after, the shockwaves from both the collapse and the explosion hit, threatening to tear Dib off of Zim. Then came the debris and heat, tiny bits of hot metal, wood and glass bit into Dib's skin, followed by burning heat...then something slammed into the back of his head, and everything went black...

It was over, almost as quickly as it had started. When the Dib didn't move right away, Zim shoved at his chest impatiently. "The Dib-stink can get off of Zim now."

The Dib didn't react. "Dib?" Zim wiggled out from under the boy and pushed him over, onto his back. He rolled over bonelessly, still not reacting. Something close to panic gripped Zim's spooch as he shook the human's shoulders. "Dib?"

Nothing. Was he...? No. A quick check of the human's heart organ told him it was functioning properly. Just unconscious, then. Zim cradled the Dib's head in his hands, telling himself he was just checking for damage. His gloves came away wet with blood.

A choked noise Zim would never admit to making clawed its way out of his throat. Wiping his gloves carefully on Dib's jumpsuit, he called up his communicator from his PAK. But that just made it worse. Jerking his eyes away from the smears of crimson on the once pristine white of the ripped jumpsuit, he shrieked into the communicator, "Gir! Bring the Voot, _now_!"

"Yes, my master!"

Though there were sirens just behind where Zim sat with Dib, no one saw the small spacecraft appear, nor the slender clawlike apparatus that gently lifted the unconscious boy and the trembling alien into its belly...

**...**

At Zim's base, Zim had Gir help him settle the almost lifeless boy on the couch. Yanking his eyes away from the too pale face, he snapped, "Computer! Run a complete bioscan on the Dib-human!"

"Okay..." the computer sighed. A red light scanned the human from head to toe. As the computer considered, a sudden wave of dizziness had Zim grabbing the couch. For the first time, he became aware of his own injuries, and just how much power he had used up from his PAK over the past several days...

Finally, the computer rattled off a list of injuries, but Zim only zeroed in on one word: nonfatal. The Dib would live. Zim felt as if a weight had been lifted from him. "Fix the human, computer." His voice came out too small, too weak, but he felt too tired and too numb and too vulnerable to notice.

He crawled onto the couch with the boy and curled up there next to his reassuring warmth, pressing his head against the boy's chest. He grabbed Dib's arm and pulled it over him like the world's thinnest blanket, then let the comforting thumping of the boy's heart organ take him away, his PAK slowing its processes down into rest mode...

**A/N: Wow, I think I may have accidentally killed some of you with the ridiculously long wait. Apologies! Darn school didn't give me any time to write. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, and that you haven't completely forgotten about this story :).**


	13. Serial Arson and Other Tall Tales

**Chapter 13: Serial Arson and Other Tall Tales **

When Dib woke, his head hurt. A lot. He groaned, moving his hands to clutch it. He froze, his hands finding cool, smooth metal and skin instead, skin so warm and alive in comparison. Eyes blinked open, to find two thin black stalks near his face, so close they were almost touching his cheek. For a moment, Dib forgot his pain, watching them curiously.

Zim liked having them touched. And maybe it was just his possible concussion messing with his thinking, but he was beginning to seriously wonder what they'd taste like...

Carefully, he took the tip of one into his mouth. Immediately, the body lying against him shivered, shuddering from the tips of his antennae to his feet. A taste unlike anything Dib had ever tasted on Earth flooded his mouth. Strange though it was, it certainly wasn't unpleasant.

Gently, Dib took more of the slightly scaly appendage into his mouth, lightly moving his tongue around to taste more of it. It was...sweet, almost, but subtle, with a weird bitter undertone. Dib was instantly hooked.

He wrapped his tongue fully around the stalk, sucking on it gently. He wasn't quite ready for the reaction.

Zim's body convulsed, claws digging into the front of Dib's ruined jumpsuit. Then he made a noise that sounded like an alien's version of a moan, a low, breathless sound that set the hairs on Dib's head and arms to prickling. He glanced down.

Zim's eyes were tightly screwed shut, his face pressed tight to Dib's chest. What Dib could see of his face was deeply flushed with blue-the Irken version of a blush, Dib assumed. Flushed himself, with his heart beating way too fast to be healthy, Dib started to ease his mouth from around the antenna.

Ruby eyes instantly snapped open, piercing him with a glare. Just when Dib was beginning to think he'd cross some sacred Irken line that he shouldn't have crossed, the smaller alien growled, "Stop doing that, Dib-monkey, and Zim will _kill you_."

Dib's face felt as if it could rival the sun as more heat crowded onto it, but he eased his mouth back around the delicate stalk. Zim's eyes fluttered closed, and he shivered again, three fingered hands flexing on Dib's jumpsuit, tearing it further, but Dib was beyond caring. The heat in his face was travelling to other, less obvious regions of his body, and he was acutely aware of the smaller, smoother body lying flush against his, front to front, his head cradled against Dib's chest, his legs tangled with Dib's.

Dib took as much of the antenna into his mouth as he could, and was rewarded with another moan, louder this time, accompanied by a slight tickle of warm air on his neck. Dib shivered along with Zim, barely holding in a moan of his own. The heat was definitely pooling somewhere else now. He tried not to think about that too much as one of his hands found its way underneath the Invader's shirt, slim pale fingers lightly running over Zim's soft, smooth side, where his ribs would be, if he had any. The skin there lightly jerked, and Zim made a small, annoyed noise against the milky throat he was currently nuzzling. Dib smirked around the antenna. Zim was _ticklish_. He filed that information away for later use.

His hand continued to explore Zim's side, stomach and chest while the other crept up, inspired by another curious idea. Zim's hands weren't idle; he yanked off his gloves, then shoved them impatiently into a tear at the back of Dib's jumpsuit, ripping it open further, exposing Dib's pale back. Dib gasped at the feel of the cold clawlike hands raking down his spine.

The second hand reached its destination-Zim's other antenna. Dib's fingers took it, stroking along the base. Zim made a choked noise, trembling. Then Dib couldn't help it anymore. He pulled off the antenna, mouth shoving into Zim's. He kissed the alien hungrily, clumsily. Zim whined at the loss of contact with his antenna, but didn't pull away to order Dib back to it. Instead, he kissed the human back just as hard, just as clumsy, forgetting the ickiness in favor of drinking in the Dib's life-filled warmth-

"Ooh look! DIBBEH'S ON TV!"

Zim was fully prepared to ignore the sudden outburst, but Dib froze, pulling his mouth away from Zim's to look. And sure enough, he was. He rolled over, dumping Zim on the couch and sitting up. "GIR, turn it up!"

The little robot happily obeyed. Zim growled, eyes narrowing dangerously, not at all cozy with being forgotten about _again_. So he sat up, threw one leg over Dib's lap and straddled him, and grabbed his face with both gloveless hands, slamming their mouths back together, the stupid inferior hyuuman news report be _damned_.

"Mmmph!" Dib broke the kiss. "Stop it, Zim! This is important!"

Ruby eyes narrowed. "So is ZIM, Dib-stupid."

Dib's expression softened, curling into a little smile. Taking the alien's face into his hands, he planted a light kiss on the silky, furrowed green forehead. "I know, Zim. But this might be about Scattermoon."

Zim hissed, but gave in for once, turning around in Dib's lap to watch too, grabbing Dib's arms and wrapping them possessively around his waist, leaning back against the human's chest. Dib let him, thumb absently rubbing circles on the alien's bony hip while his eyes focused back on the screen.

"Yesterday afternoon, an explosion rocked our fair town. Police and emergency crews rushed to the site to find the esteemed Virchurion Institute in ruins, the majority of its employees dead-"

Zim's tightly coiled body jerked in Dib's arms. "LIES!" he shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at the screen. "THERE WERE NO HYUUMAN WORK DRONES-!" Dib clapped a hand over his mouth.

"-and a handful of survivors wandering aimlessly among the ruins. Who is responsible for this tragedy?"

A picture of Dib's dazed face (almost a perfect echo of the one he had on presently) filled the screen. "Dib Membrane, teenaged son of the brilliant Professor Membrane, founder of the world-famous Membrane Labs-"

"AND founder of the Spooky Dukes-" Dib began indigantly, only to have a soft green hand clamp over his mouth in return. As they glared at each other, the news report continued.

"The younger Membrane, sources say, is already responsible for the destruction of Professor Membrane's residence earlier this week. No one knows what set him off, but as Mr. Stibbens's entire ninth grade class confirms, the boy has a history of unstable behavior."

And Dib watched in disbelief as one by one, his 'friends' and 'admirers', kids who had been begging for his attention a scant week before, now called him crazy, weird, manical, coo coo for cocoa puffs, and every variation thereof...Except for Gretchen. Good old Gretchen! As the camera centered on her, she shouted, "Dib isn't crazy! And he didn't do all those things you said he did! Something else is going on!"

The cameraman, realizing he had found Dib's only supporter, quickly panned away. But just before she disappeared completely from the frame, Gretchen yelled, "I believe in you, Dib!"

While Dib's heart swelled with affection for his only real friend, the camera centered on someone else. Dib's girlfriend, Stacie. Who had wasted no time at all searching for a replacement, if the six boys fawning around her were any indication.

"Ya, Dib's nuts." she said carelessly. "I mean, when we were dating, he was always asking to do kinky stuff in bed. Like, bite his neck like a vampire, or paint my skin green, and stuff."

"Liar!" Dib yelled-or tried to. What actually came out was a "Mmph!" as his mouth was still covered...by an alien who was looking up at him with his old one eye wide, one eye narrowed look. Dib stared back, amber eyes narrowing. _No, Zim. Just, no._ Dib hadn't missed him THAT much, not by a long shot.

"The police advise-hm, what's that, Shmee?" The news anchor paused, listening, brow furrowed. Then he continued. "This just in. Martha Neila, renowned scientist and founder of the Virchurion Institute, has just arrived at the scene of the tragedy. Edgar Vargas reporting."

The view switched to a dark haired man, holding a microphone, and Scattermoon, looking distraught and teary-eyed, a gloved hand on her face.

When she noticed the camera focusing on her, she rallied, taking a deep breath. Another man, who wasn't in the frame, said, "Edgar, we're live."

Edgar cleared his throat. "Edgar Vargas reporting, with Martha Neila. Professor Neila, my deepest condolences. Why do you think Membrane targeted your Institute?"

"I...I honestly don't know." Scattermoon answered faintly. She was good. If Dib didn't know all too well what she was, he would have believed her. "But they found footage, in the wreckage, from the security cameras. He snuck in. He was here. It was definitely...definitely him. All my work...gone..."

She turned away from the camera, sniffling, but in the split second before her face was completely gone from view, she looked directly at the camera, her full lips twitched up into a tiny smile.

It was meant for Dib, that look. It was a challenge. It was victory. _Can't top that, can you, Agent Mothman?_

He didn't realize he was squeezing the bony hip in his hand till its owner hissed, digging clawed fingers into the offending hand. Dib quickly let go before he drew blood, the gears in his mind spinning wildly.

As the reporter, Todd S. Casil, finished his report, it all clicked.

"They're making me out to be a crazy psycho."

Zim pivoted in his lap, irritation evaporating. He looked up at his human, expecting to see the hurt, empty look from before. He got the exact opposite. A slight smile was playing at the edges of the human's mouth.

"Dib...?"

Amber eyes flickered down to look into ruby, and suddenly the old Dib was back, the old, excited grin he pulled out when he thought he had Zim trapped stretching his lips. He took Zim's face in his hands again, kissing him. "They want the bad guy, Zim? Fine. We'll give them the bad guy."

**A/N: Sorry this is so short, and so late. Zero inspiration lately. Hope you enjoyed anyway :).**


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